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I think i need to see a therapist...Rant-ish

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by lonewolfblair, Jul 2, 2015.

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  1. lonewolfblair

    lonewolfblair
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    So yesterday i wrote a message to a friend that i had intended to send until i realised it had reached around 500 words! And at first it was me talking about how i need love but no one will give me it and then the next three paragraphs were "toxic slabs of arrogance disguised as complaints" as i put it later in the message.

    Here the last paragraph since i could figure out how to describe it:

    [friends name] I will end this long message with this: I am sorry, so FUCKING sorry that I am not the friend you need. I am sorry that i am an arrogant piece of shit that's weighing you down preventing you from achieving great things. Do not blame your self for this, you have been a shinning light in my life but all I need is darkness and isolation, someone like me doesn't deserve the luxuries of other humans.

    And i see this as a sign i need to see a therapist (i also need to see a gender therapist but thats not what we are here to talk about) but when ever i bring up the idea with my parents they brush me off, now i can understand in a sense as seeing a psychologist can be expensive but i need to see someone.

    That being said however my parents don't know i am most likely depressed they don't know anything because i can't tell them as far as they know i still there strong son not their fragile daughter (yes i know that it seems like i am stereotyping but i am actually a fragile person).

    There rant over.
     
    #1 lonewolfblair, Jul 2, 2015
  2. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    Well I agree that it might be a good idea to see a therapist, if you can, because there was a lot of self destructive commentary in your message to your friend. I don't doubt that you really feel bad about yourself, but with no real outlet for all of it you will remain in that dark place, feeling isolated and fragile.

    Would you say all of those feelings are connected your gender issues, or do they go much deeper? Tell us, if you can.

    By the way, talking about how you feel is not a rant.
     
    #2 PatrickUK, Jul 2, 2015
  3. lonewolfblair

    lonewolfblair
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    Well i consider the root of this to be my loneliness as that is where it starts and then devolves from there, this is connected to my gender issues as being a lesbian Transgirl leaves me without a lot of options.

    That being said there is definetly deeper stuff being revealed here and i attribute that to the fact that i tried to control my psychology, which led to me favouring fight over flight which has made me abusive when assertive (so i play submissive when i can) basically it was me trying to man up.

    And now that i am undoing all of this work i would say that i am falling apart.
     
    #3 lonewolfblair, Jul 2, 2015
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