im 14 years old, and i've known i've been a lesbian since i was 7 years old but have never told anyone. i live in a Christian community, and although its mainly welcoming - at the same time i don't feel 100 per cent safe because of my identity. i want to come out but i don't know how and im so so scared about how people will react. i know my friends will be fine, to be honest everyone im friends with is queer - theres two other lesbians i know about, and basically every other sexuality and gender identity too i told them i was aromantic and asexual (basically that i didn't "like" anyone) because i couldn't pretend to be straight but i feel so unsafe people knowing about me. so i have to undo coming out as aroace and then come out as gay? i really regret that now though my mental health is pretty bad, i used to talk to a consuller online, but they called the police on me because i told them i was suicidal and about the physical abuse that i had to put up with in my old school from my teachers. (i don't know why they did it to me, if it was because they saw me kissing another girl or something unrelated) so when my parents were told by the police they were super upset, and it made me feel so guilty. they won't let me get help, because they are too proud and want to keep up a perfect suburban facade. i don't care that "head pills" will change who i am, i just want recovery they aren't cool with me being a vegetarian either and i feel like im moving further away from their "model daughter" i don't want to hurt them anymore but at the same time i want to live my own life. it feels like they don't care about me anyway seeing as they are forcing me to live with clear mental illnesses without treatment. i have been self harming and straving myself because its too overwhelming for me and i don't know how im meant to cope, i feel utterly pathetic. i need to come out, its eating away at me, i think its illegal for my parents to kick me out at 14, or disown me but i don't know my rights (i live in england if that helps) tbh,its really hard for me to post this because of what happened before, and im sorry if i've messed up with where im meant to post this, or have broken any house rules as im new here any advice would help so much
hi and welcome to EC.. you should be able to get confidential advice from your doctor (I think ay 14 - but I am not sure of the rules) and a school counsellor. Even though you were betrayed before this is still worth a shot. Help lines may be able to get you some advice over the phone about where else you can go to for help do you really have to come out now if it is going to make things more complicated for you - i mean could you see yourself coming out when you are 16 - would that help and by then you will be planning your life after school etc when things will be so much different If you do want to come out it seems you have some good friends around and maybe there is one you trust to speak to first?
Heya, welcome! <3 I hope you can get the help you need. I did the same as you, in terms of saying that I was asexual. (To be fair, I didn't feel like I wanted to have sex with anybody, because of my gender dysphoria and stuff.) Anyway, it isn't as hard as you think to "un-come out" with stuff like that. Just say that you said it because you were scared of being judged. Telling the truth often works better than you'd think. ^^ It really sucks about the abuse from your teachers, though... It does sound like you need to see someone about that. Are you good at talking with passion and persuasion and stuff? Maybe just talk to your parents about your suicidal thoughts. If they are not "super-Christian" (sorry, if I'm stereotyping here), they should take you seriously and stuff. I mean, suicide is a pretty serious thing. You need help if you are at risk of doing something like that... If they are "super-Christian", they could try and follow a religious route (I've heard of it happening). That can be less-than useful. But you imply that they are more progressive Christians, and so they should allow you to get medical help, and stuff... ^^ Also, if you ever want to talk, you can just post on my wall. Being in the closet can be a lonely thing...
Firstly, you do not have to be a "model daughter." I know it sounds tempting because you don't want to hurt your parents in any way, but we are all human. We're going to fall short of expectations from time to time. In saying that, being lesbian (and vegetarian to boot) is not a bad thing. It never has been. You may want to talk to them about this. If so, do it calmly and without malice. Sit them down and take some time explaining that you are lesbian, and that you need counselling in some form. Stress both of these points - it's incredibly important that you receive help, especially if you have been suicidal in the past. Nobody can keep up a perfect suburban life, after all. People close to them are going to have mental illnesses and need help and there's nothing they can do about that - except for actually getting the person the help they need. I really hope all goes well and that you get some form of treatment. Good luck
