So there is this guy I work with. He seems really nice and we seem to both share a passion for animals. He is always working in animal facts around me when we are near the pens we keep them. Also making joking gestures at me. But I find myself wanting to have him near. When we work together in disappointed to see him go, and I hope we close together. I'm terribly shy though. I don't know if he is into guys and if so how do I go about finding that out. I really do like him. I've never done this sort of thing in person, it's always been online with me.
Hi there! The question I would have is, are you out to him? If not, the first thing you would need to think about then is as to how you could come out to him. His reaction and what he says to you afterwards could give you some clues as to whether he is into guys. Alternatively, you could try to get to know him better as a friend. Getting to know him will give you an opportunity not only to gauge as to what his sexual orientation is but also whether your feelings for him will last. Once you get to know him better, on a more personal level, you will discover as to how much in common you actually have with him, and whether the two of you could click - provided he is into guys, and has similar or the same feelings for you. Having said that, and if it turns out that he is gay, and you are out to him, it isn't really a good idea to start something with someone in the workplace. It does happen that two people hit it off, after having met in the workplace, and go on to form a deeper relationship but these occurrences are far and few in between. You could make it quite awkward for yourself if things don't turn out the way you are probably hoping they will. This is something to think about.
Well, if you want to find out whether he likes you in the same way you like him, the two of you have to come out to each other, on one way or another.
Come out to each other? That sounds pretty foolish honestly. From what I'm reading it just seems like it's pointless to try with guys who are not in gay areas or gay events. Sigh, I knew it would always be a pipe dream.
I wouldn't say it is pointless. It is possible to find other guys outside of gay areas or events. It will come down to what you are comfortable with and whether you are ready to be out not only to your crush but perhaps also at the workplace. The moment you tell him that you like him, you are coming out to him if you are not at this point. If you feel that coming out to each other is 'pretty foolish' I would suggest to start working on becoming more comfortable with coming out and being yourself around others - even outside of gay areas and events. Being more comfortable in taking risks and making yourself vulnerable will also help you not to miss a potential opportunity to get to know someone.
But why all this stuff about coming out? Isn't it enough to say I like him? Why does it have to be some ceremony this coming out? Being myself has nothing to do with being gay, that's just a word anyway. There is nothing to come out, at least I don't believe so. I just wish I was not so awkward around him.
Well, it doesn't need to be a ceremony, but given that you are not out to him, you don't know what his sexual orientation is, simply by saying 'hey, I like you,' you are saying more than just that you like him. Having said that, if you feel that there is nothing to come out to, and you are comfortable with yourself, how come you haven't spoken with him yet then? How come you have asked as to how to find out whether he is into guys? I am willing to bet that a lot of the awkwardness not only comes from being shy, but also from the fact that there are a few unknowns here. While there will always be some awkwardness in letting someone know as to how you feel about them, but if you feel comfortable with yourself - including with the idea of being out in the workplace and taking the plunge into the unknown as it were - you should be able to overcome it by taking a deep breath, and asking him if he would like to join you for a coffee/drink after work. If you are nervous while asking, that's fine. If there are a few clumsy moments that's fine too. In some ways you are saying it shouldn't be a big deal. So, and if you are prepared for everything that could follow, take a deep breath, go to him, give him your number, and ask if he would like to join you after work and talk with him. Don't let the awkwardness and the unknown be a barrier. Overcome it by asking him acknowledging that there will always be some awkwardness initially.
On-topic: Just go up to the guy and give him your number. "I like you, here's my number. (then smile as you hand out a piece of paper with your number on it). It's short, it's sweet, it's simple. If it goes awkward, it's your last day seeing him anyway - You won't have to worry about working beside *that* guy anymore." Off-topic: Hey, Mirko, where'd you get the quote/saying in your signature from? I think it's pretty cool and like it.
I don't think being comfortable with yourself and feeling that there is nothing to come out to has anything to do with being nervous about this. I am comfortable, but I don't know how he is though, that is the issue here. I don't know how to take my interactions with him, I have aspergers, social nuances aren't my thing. It is also a big dea in that if it doesn't go well it would be awkward to work with him from that point on. As for being out, they have seen my ex around before so I think everyone knows.
Well, if other co-workers have seen your ex-around, probably others will know by now. Given that it would be awkward if it doesn't go well, one more reason to take the long route, and to get to know him better as a friend as hard as this is going to be. You could still ask him if he would like to hang out with you after work. Hanging out with him, will give you some of the answers you are looking for.
