My gaydar is useless...

Hello, seems though people are beginning to guess my sexual orientation (something I welcome, as I wanted to start "coming out" soon), I thought a support network like this would be a useful thing to have, as, although we have a huge football rivalry between Newcastle and Sunderland, the North East isn't exactly the gayest place on Earth.

Going on from this, I really need help with my gaydar, as I can currently only identify two definite gays out of all of the people at my school and other places I hang out (they are both very fem, 99% of their friends are girls and they have the stereotypical gay voice), and statistically, there has to be more, way more. I myself fit very few stereotypes, I have very male "laddish" friends (not complaining :icon_wink ), have stereotypically male hobbies and the only real give-away is my fairly tall, well styled quiff and my over-pronunciation of "s" and "t" sounds. I am currently 15, and attending school, which is of course relevant, as it could be that most don't begin to show their sexuality until much later, as I doubt many apart from those I am closest to would ever have me down as gay???

The reason I ask is that I would like to try to get to know the people who fit the descriptors I am given here (if you would be so kind :icon_wink ) to try and see how they match and to have a gay friend so I have a real support network.

The second reason is this boy I really like, and I mean really like. I am trying to work out whether he could be gay but am left clutching straws every time, he denies when asked BUT always gets awkward/makes a joke (not homophobic) and swiftly moves the conversation on. It is like this with everything about him, loads of pointers but he is a mystery despite us being really good friends, he is also very secretive and a closed book, lacking in confidence around anyone he doesn't know, so you can get my struggle. He has just turned 14, making me just over a year older. I don't want to pry at him at all, as when I was that age, I was bi (I was thinking about it the other day and vividly remember crushing on the hotel receptionist whilst on holiday in August 2014) and only within the last 6 months or so have I came to realise that those feelings are now dead (I have conducted several tests with pornography, the details of which I will not share, all of which left me in no doubt that I am gay). I am really good friends with the potential gay guy and in a few years time, once he has found himself, I can see us working as a couple as we just seem to click (hence why I ask).

So, my life story aside, what subtle things can I pick up on for improving my gaydar, for the purposes of making gay friends, and seeing if my crush may be a potential partner in the near future, obviously aimed at detecting potential gays amongst closeted school kids and people who may not even know themselves that they are gay, or may not want to admit it, and any other useful advice you may be able to impart.


My sincere apologies for the novel I have written, I appreciate your time in reading this and any response you may leave.

Thanks!

 

I was thinking that, depending on how based in biology homosexuality is, it may produce some uncontrollable effects that are subtle but easy to pick up on (perhaps in walk, stance and speech, just a few potential examples), it was a shot in the dark but I think you may be right that if he doesn't know/ isn't comfortable with it, there is no easy way of knowing. As for other people at school, I am guessing that the story is the same.

 

Thank you for all of the relies. I think the verdict is that "gaydars" are very inaccurate, if they even exist.

Instead, at what age can you remember people beginning to come out? I aim this question at people aged around 20 as I doubt people came out until much later up until recently (although I may be wrong). Did it take a few people to have the balls to do it and then be followed by everyone else, or did everyone do it one by one? I realise that this is perhaps my only way to discover people to talk to about this without the barrier of a computer screen, so if it might make other people follow suit, I may start coming out soon, something I was planning on doing by the end of this year, anyway. I am in a position where I can do this, meaning that I don't have religious nutters for parents and all of my friends and school are very accepting.