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What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by CodeForLife, Jul 7, 2015.

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  1. CodeForLife

    CodeForLife
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    I joined EC pretty recently as I have found it very enlightening, helpful, and understanding. I'm typically pretty closed off on my deep personal life since I am not ready to be out in the world, but I was thinking about what if I met someone on EC that I actually already knew in real life!

    If you had a crush on the person, would you have the guts to break the ice with them and talk about it? Is this the right thing to do or should you just sweep it under the rug?

    I'm not sure what I would do since this could get really awkward and I wouldn't want to ruin the relationship. I would probably not talk about it until I could gather the courage to come up with something subtle and not intimidating to break the ice.

    I have heard time and time again that office/work relationships almost never end well, so I'm wondering what everyone thinks.
     
    #1 CodeForLife, Jul 7, 2015
  2. Van

    Van
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    Re: What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out

    Ha, it'd be pretty cool if I met someone I know on here! Especially my sexy co-worker who thinks he's straight. :grin: If he's reading this - gurrl, you ain't straight, honey! :rolle:

    OK, now being completely serious - I doubt any of my co-workers would end up on this site, cuz only 2 of them speak English and both are in straight relationships and not so open-minded, so they'd rather stay in the dark. But I wouldn't mind if I saw them on here. :thumbsup:
     
    #2 Van, Jul 7, 2015
  3. Jax12

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    Re: What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out

    Would be very cool, yeah. I would give subtle hints here and there that I'm on EC or I'm gay, etc.

    But I would not date anyone in my work place. Yeah, it might be good in the beginning, but should things turn sour, then word will get around and it'll be hard to concentrate and focus. This is definitely true for me, so I can't say this is for everyone.
     
    #3 Jax12, Jul 7, 2015
  4. timeforchange

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    Re: What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out

    1. you are both not out.

    2. dating at work never ends up well typically and is awkward once it fizzles out.

    3. definitely do not mention to the guy you have decoded that he is on EC!

    4. you know he is gay....what's wrong with seeing if he wants to hang out for drinks after work or just to hang out. you can both still pretend to be straight, but you could develop a friendship and later come out to him and he may come out to you as well or atleast be a support for you.
     
    #4 timeforchange, Jul 8, 2015
  5. CodeForLife

    CodeForLife
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    Re: What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out

    Thanks for the advice timeforchange. I think your point 4. is a good approach too. I have tried to keep most of my guy relationships at work in check, being friendly and helpful, and except for the few I'm not sure about, most guys here are straight.
     
    #5 CodeForLife, Jul 8, 2015
  6. confuzzled82

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    Re: What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out

    Unless you do it via the PM system on here after you are both full members.
     
    #6 confuzzled82, Jul 8, 2015
  7. timeforchange

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    Re: What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out

    no prob. as far as #3, i think that the point of EC is that you can get out your thoughts and feelings without anyone "knowing" you and you have a safe place to do that. if someone messaged me saying "hey i think i know who you are and we work together." i would feel really weird and exposed. even though the other person may be going through the same thing, i would be worried if they were going to tell others or share posts , etc. i cannot say enough that I think it is not a good idea to "out" him here.

    as far as #4. part of the fear when we are guys and we like other guys that appear straight is that we do not know if they are gay or not and we do not know if there will be some retaliation if they think we are coming on to them or flirting. so its like two ships passing in the night. the cool thing is that you have confirmation (at least you think you do) that its him on the site. therefore, even if the guy rejects your request to hang out after work, you do not have that feeling of "oh he must think i am a gay guy hitting on him" because now you know he is gay too so it wont hurt as much or even be a bother.

    as far as hanging out. who says you just can't hang out as friends. sexuality doesn't even need to come out. its not important. "hey a few of us are going out for drinks after work, you're totally welcome to join if you'd like." just make friends if that is possible and if this guy wants you to know about him, he will tell you. you have to accept that he may not want you to know about him or may not ever tell you. if you develop a friendship, you can come out to him but you can't expect or ask him to come out to you.

    what i have learned about crushes is that it seems as though when you crush on someone they never crush on you back or have the same feelings. maybe some crushes actually work out but just be careful. :wink:
     
    #7 timeforchange, Jul 8, 2015
  8. KJA

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    Re: What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out

    Is it me? Please? :icon_bigg
     
    #8 KJA, Jul 8, 2015
  9. DAXIII

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    Re: What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out

    Start as friends and see where it goes.
     
    #9 DAXIII, Jul 8, 2015
  10. CodeForLife

    CodeForLife
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    Re: What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out

    That is always in the back of my mind, but it's hard to know without confirmation!

    Lol. This post was just a theoretical question, I haven't found anyone that I know...yet :grin:.

    This sounds like the consensus and probably the route I need to consider taking. There's a little bit of a learning curve here since I don't drink and most people do, so I'd have to think of an activity that was convenient and interesting that we'd both enjoy.
     
    #10 CodeForLife, Jul 8, 2015
  11. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Re: What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out

    I don't think I'd do anything about it, for the sake of maintaining a good, non-awkward work relationship. But if I do decide to do something/say something, I'd break the ice by casually mentioning "this great site I've discovered, called Empty Closets". Their reaction to that statement will let you know if it's appropriate to continue on the subject, or let it go.
     
    #11 Ruby Dragon, Jul 9, 2015
  12. CodeForLife

    CodeForLife
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    Re: What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out

    I would be worried about option 2 because it would most certainly be equivalent to coming out to the co-worker. If we were only co-workers and not BFFs, that is information they could use against you negatively if you are not out yet. :eusa_doh:
     
    #12 CodeForLife, Jul 9, 2015
  13. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Re: What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out

    To me, it doesn't really matter if someone at work knows about my bisexuality. So that scenario wouldn't be a problem for me. And my place of work is gay-friendly. Sure, here are a lot of homophobes but meh. Besides, the colleague is on EC too, so you have something on them too. The chances of them doing something about it though is less than with someone who you know for a fact is straight, homophobic and (obviously) not on EC.
     
    #13 Ruby Dragon, Jul 10, 2015
  14. Celatus

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    Re: What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out

    That would be interesting and awkward. But also slightly thrilling just knowing that someone you know is also gay. What are the chances right? (Sarcasm, but seriously I know very few gay people my age)
     
    #14 Celatus, Jul 10, 2015
  15. CodeForLife

    CodeForLife
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    Re: What would you do if you saw a co-worker's profile on EC and you both are not out

    Yeah, this would make me feel a little more comfortable that at least they're probably in the same boat as me.

    Good point. Trust is a two way street and that would kind of go against the openness and honesty that a lot of people go to EC for. However, someone could always view a post as Anonymous I think and then see your profile picture there, right?

    Agreed that it's not always easy to identify gay people of the same age in real life. I'm not comfortable enough to actually go out looking, so that's does pose a bit of a problem for me to find someone.
     
    #15 CodeForLife, Jul 11, 2015
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