Is this real? I'm starting to believe it is. Lately I just feel emotionally dead. Sadness, fear, joy, love, all gone. Thing is I used to feel these emotions before. But now it's like I'm some hollow doll. Anger is pretty much the only thing I have left. That and this hollow and weird sensation in my chest, near my heart. It's almost cold, empty, like something should be there. I don't know what to do about it though. I feel blocked, I can feel it. Things want to come out but I won't let them. Every now and then feelings of love or sadness eek out, but they are faint and get stuffed down before I can even react to them. How can I stop waking through life like a doll?
Hi. I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like that. Have you seen a therapist? I think what you're suffering from is depression. And I'm not saying that out of the blue. I've seen you post before and it always struck me that you're speaking from behind a negative lens. And I'm not trying to confront you or label you in any way, believe me, I do that a lot too. One can't help it. And that's okay. But there is help to be had. Seeing a professional. Reaching out like you are doing now and that you should be proud of yourself for doing, it can be a really hard thing to do. When I was at an online support forum some time ago, the person I talked to linked me a video that I'd like to share with you. ^this stand out to me. Consider this line from the video: "Having [depression] isn't so much about feeling a bit down, sad or blue. At it's worst it's about being devoid of feeling all together." The video is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc I hope you seek help, Arcana. It can help you feel better in time. If I've written anything you take offence to or that irked you somehow, please write whatever you're feeling no matter if you're angry. I don't mind. Just let it out in that case. I know what you're going through. Not all of it but a lot. Please feel free to skip on over to my wall if you have something on your mind and you want someone to listen. Hope you'll feel better. All the best x
Hi again. I just read your other posts throughly, some of which I had missed before. So you already know you're depressed, okay. You said that help is weakness to you. Well, you'd need the willpower of all of humanity to overcome such depression by willpower alone. I don't have it, neither do you. We need to accept that we need help. I recommend you continue your anti-depressants. And that you devote yourself to therapy. And when you do have some good thoughts, don't chase them off with a stick. Go on online forums (there are ones that are good for depression and stuff) and try to learn how to be vulnerable sometimes. Work on yourself and talk to your therapist, they can help you setting up schedules or so when you can plan on doing some things you like to help brighten your day a little bit. For example, I like watering my plants. I whisper to them and gently water them. Can that make me feel weak, uninteresting, crazy or pathetic? Yes, it can. If I let that thought take me over. But I try my best not to when I can.
I had depression early this year and the end of last year, and this is more or less exactly how I felt. Anger was my number one emotion, I repressed the other ones. Sometimes sadness over my misery surfaced, but I tried and managed to repress it too. I don't know exactly how I got out of it, but by the middle of March I was quite well. Maybe it was the decision to make my life better, to lose weight and to work for being more attractive in every way that helped a lot. Probably the personality is a huge factor too, for example I'm an INTJ (Free Personality Test | 16Personalities) who has problems with expressing emotions.
Allow your depressive state to take its toll and bring you the solution. Don't repress emotions, it ends up worse. Look for solutions instead. Never dwell on something you can't change.
Get help, talk about it and find out why you're doing it. I did it too for a long time but srsly it's the worst you can do, that doesn't help anything at all in fact it's making things even worse.
But it's not like I do it on purpose. It's automatic. I want to feel them but it's like an automatic process in my head stops them. How can I stop it if I don't even know why I'm doing it? As for the personality type, there is a difference between expressing your emotions and feeling them. I have a problem with feeling them.
I know this isn't exactly a solution, but this really helped me when my depression was near its worst. Hyperbole and a Half: Depression Part Two I don't think there really is anything you can do that will just make your emotions come back. It'll take time, and you'll probably need a lot of support along the way, but you will start to get better. (*hug*)