Rant about the worst thing i have ever done

Okay, it sounds a bit sneaky, and maybe you would've been better off leaving the guy to his own self-destructive life, but that insult was nowhere near the worst you could've done to him.

Remember that people say all kinds of hurtful things in heated arguments, and I don't think they deserve to die for that. I've lost count of the times I've told somebody to "go to hell" and so on.

It's impossible to behave perfectly all the time. I think you've drowned in more than enough guilt, and it's time to forgive yourself, if you can?

I think I can relate a little with how you're feeling. No matter what I do, I feel like I'm an evil person. But the main thing is I know that feeling is irrational. People used to take advantage of me because of my demonic self-image. I don't want something similar to happen to you.

 

in context this really isn't that bad. you were an angry twelve year old lashing out. telling people he didn't deserve a mother might have been a bit harsh but it's hardly an unforgivable sin. you've clearly given yourself more than enough shit for it. it's far from the worst thing imaginable; climb off your own back.

 

Out of all people, forgiving yourself is probably the hardest person to forgive. Don't just forgive yourself for the statement, but for the anger you felt, and also for the shame that went with that anger and what happened. This is what Christians mean when they "give it up to God". Release that pent up emotion out of yourself.

I recently started forgiveness therapy with my counselor and it was one of the hardest things I've done, but also very rewarding.

Another thing, if you are still in contact with this person, sit down and talk with them about that time. They may not even remember. If they forgive you, that can go along way to helping you forgive yourself. Sometimes we cling to these things like lifelines, but they are really anchorlines, dragging us down.