First this isn't really as serious as some other people, but I just need to get it off my chest. I'm out to ten people or so and my parents, but I'm just so tired of being gay. I hate not being able to admit a guy is hot in real life. I hate lying to everyone. This all started the other night ago when I saw this super attractive kid my age and we talked and he was just awesome. Then it just hit me later that night "I have no fucking chance with him" . It's not him I'm upset with it just the fact that I have never had a single person in my entire life that I could even have a chance with. He meant nothing to me but what he stood for changed my entire vacation. I say dreamed about us and even came up with fake stuff to fill my need to realize "it's possible" even though I no it wasn't. I'm scared because I can't remember what was real and what wasn't now. I'm just so tired of not being my self and getting screwed over while all my friends are in relationships I just have to lie about my life. I just hate it. I love the lgbt community and I don't hate being "gay" because it's gay I just hate that I have to deal with the amount of baggage that comes along with it. I just wish that it was a ride you could just stop and I know it isn't. It's supposed to get better out of highschool but I'm just so fucking tired of waiting. It's like this crushing weight that I'm never going to be happy and that I'm going crazy not being able to tell the truth and what I lied about. I hate lying but I feel like a pathological lier now. If someone could just say something it would mean so much. Btw if anyone remembers water lover this is them but they were inactive and forgot their fake email and passwords lol.
Hey I know what you mean. I don't hate being gay and I wouldn't change it but I hate how some people act towards someone just because they're gay. When you were talking about those guys I would say you need to stop saying oh I'm never going to have a chance with... Stop saying that you don't know. Even the most straight acting could actually be gay. Heck when I didn't wanna be outed I told other guys that I watched Orange is the new black for the lesbian scenes so that way they wouldn't suspect anything.
well it gets better. even when you are older you will always see hot guys and you're right for the most part you will not have any luck with the STRAIGHT hot guys. so it feels frustrating. you see someone you like and you can't flirt or strike up a conversation or ask for their number like you would a girl because the odds are the dude is straight. but when i started to go to more gay things, and become connected with other gay dudes, i couldn't believe how many hot guys that were out there that are gay. there are tons and the thing is you would never know unless they told you or they are out. you are not alone. the problem is other guys probably think the same thing about you but they do not know you are gay. so everyone is crushing on others and nobody knows anything. when you are able to join more gay organization and attend more gay events, i promise you that you will see the type of guys you think are hot and the cool things is they will be gay. doesn't mean it's going to be fairy tale romance but i have definitely met guys that i have been like, "OHHH MAHHHH GOSHHHH!!! " lol. keep you head up.
I can't say it gets better, no one can. That would be promising you a future and none of us can do that let alone predict what will happen with total accuracy. So a vague statement like "it gets better" is not true. Clearly in your case it isn't and just because it does for some doesn't mean it will for all. That being said I get it. I hate being attracted to guys and not being able to comment on it. Not even among the gay community. They always have to make a big deal about it when I'm just making a casual observation. It's hard to keep it inside and not being able to just be, but sometimes in life you have to buy the bullet and white knuckle through.
That's why gay guys need straight girls to gush about hot guys. Work for me! :lol: And DeathArcana, your casual observation is looking for patterns conforming to your own beliefs, ofc people are going to react to that. Not everyone see the same thing.
