Depression,Suicide-Thoughts- Cries, Love for my Best Friend

I was very close with a friend. I talked to her about everything. Including my suicidal thoughts. I told her everything. It became to much for her. Im now not allowed to talk to the one person that I loved. I had a huge crush on her, and she led me on, only to date another girl.

So I understand your situation. It is hard. It is impossible. But you have to stay strong. You have to get through this. I know you can. Hold On Pain Ends

Message me if you ever need anything. (*hug*)

 

I'm sure this isn't the advice that you want to hear, but there is nothing to be gained (except more pain for you) in clinging onto these feelings for your friend. At some point you need to make a decision to let go of the crush, because it's the only reasonable way to be relaxed and free. After two years of one way love, now might be the time.

I'm not belittling how you feel at all, but while you hold onto feelings for someone who is unable to return them you are denying yourself the chance of a happier future. Believe it or not, you have it all within you to choose a different path that can bring happiness and doesn't involve thoughts of suicide. Will it be easy? No, but taking your own life is not the easy option either. It would be a very drastic and permanent 'solution' to a problem that can be overcome. The easiest thing of all is telling yourself "I can't do this or I can't do that". Break the cycle by taking baby steps forward with a can do attitude and talk to us if you are struggling and need extra support.

 

I know how you feel about him being my life. Especially in a depressed/suicidal place, you need something to live for as you won't live for you. And for some people it's living for another person. This can be risky as well, because even though it helps to have hope because of someone, it can do terrible damage to you if they hurt your feelings. It takes a while, but you have to be your life, and he can be an important part of it. Relying on somebody is great however don't completely rely on them.

Sorry if that sounded harsh. I know it's hard. I've been there (*hug*)

Because you're so close, do you think you could tell him about being suicidal? If he's a great friend (and you aren't always talking about it) he will listen and try to comfort you. Talking is always helpful in these situations.
How do you think he will react if you tell him you love him?

 

Hey there, I really feel for you.

What you are going through is what I went through all through my high school years. I was in love with my best friend for those four years and they were amazing and they were sheer torture at the same time. She was (still is) straight and at that time of my life I could not tell anyone - not about my sexuality, nor about my feelings for my friend. In our final year at school she met and fell in love with this guy and that killed me. Somehow I survived, and you will too.

You have the opportunity to make friends and open your life and your heart to an online community, something that was not available when I was young. Keep posting, keep chatting, keep searching and keep making friends here on EC. The world needs all the kind souls, like you, to make it a better place.

You are a valuable and beautiful soul (I can tell this from how deeply and loyally you love) and you will find a bigger world where your feelings will be validated and valued.

 

"Faazi I am so glad you survived!! or else I wouldnt have the chance to talk with just a great person( you ) Love sometimes hurts, do you still talk with your best friend?
I know there are so many people with great heart , soul, they felt pain and maybe unfair situations, the only I now is that we have to survive , depression must not kill us
I really appreciate your kindly words! A tear was gonna pass through my cheek .. Thank you so much"


Hey ZZ (I hope you don't me calling you that), I have been around for a few more years than you Lol. I was about your age when I first met her. She was the most amazing, most beautiful, most kind, most intelligent being I had ever met. I was totally broken when she me this guy and they fell in love. And, yes, I did try to take my life then, but thankfully did not succeed. Now, some 30 odd years later, we message each other maybe two/three times a year. She just sent me a message the other day that her daughter is getting married. She is a happily married woman with 4 kids. and we only see each other maybe once a year or every two years and mostly by chance. Seeing her still makes my heart beat faster .

I never spoke to her about my feelings, and sometimes I just wish I still could do that, but we live in different worlds now. Since her, I have come out to a number of friends, who have mostly accepted me for who I am. My close family know, but we never talk about my sexuality.

So, what I want to share with you is that you live in a world now where you can find a counsellor or LGBT group to talk to and just be you (even if you are not your best self ). Please.

I have a pretty good idea of the hell you are experiencing emotionally, but you need to find the support and the help and the world that will help you move on. Loving a straight person, no matter how much they value your friendship, is not a healthy place to be. Unrequited love doesn't only hurt, it stings, really badly. You need to go out and meet more souls and share your pain and your hurt and find a path where the world opens up to you. I know you will find someone someday, soon, who will feel the same way you feel about him

I am here for you. Post on my wall anytime you need to. I will check in on EC everyday and look out for any messages from you.

 

Hi ZZ. I hope you okay with being friends with someone who has been around for a bit longer than you have .

I did not realise you are in a homophobic country where it would be difficult to get person-to-person help. I am sorry that you are in that situation.