Crushing SUPER hard on straight coworker with boyfriend :(

Hey everyone,

So I recently came out to my closest friends and family members. It was definitely a huge moment, but now that it's died down a bit, I've been focusing hard on work and school stuff. I started developing minor feelings for a female coworker that came and went frequently, but now it's pretty consistent. Anyways, this crush is a lot more complicated than usual...I'll briefly explain.

1.) There has been a lot of drama about certain people who *used* to be my friends in the lab who talk mad shit about her. I always kept it to myself, but I decided to report the comments once it got really inappropriate. Anyways, my identity wasn't kept confidential and she found out I did that. We talked about the problems and she started crying and I felt really bad she went home early that day.

2.) She knows a bit about my past - I seek help from a therapist and she is somewhat aware of the severity of the problems it has had in my life, because I had to postpone my final exams this past semester, so she knows I had been scheduling to take them during the summer.

Anyways, we're kind of friends outside of the lab, she's come over to my place twice. One time because I had a lab get-together (without the gossipers who don't like her), and another because we were planning a prank on April Fools' day, and we were setting everything up at my house. I've also seen her perform with her "band" which involves my other friend, she sings and plays the guitar gaahhhh I keep thinking about her. Ok so the last time I saw her perform, I was about to leave and she reached out to give ME a hug, and not our other friend with whom I came with! I'm totally reading into this. But whatever, I have been crushing hard on her for the past few months. She started dating someone about 2 months ago, and they're "official" now whatever that means. I saw him at her performance too.

When I first met her, I thought she could possibly be bi or lesbian for some pretty dumb reasons: she has 1/4 of her head shaved which I know is trendy, but whatever. Also, because she was talking to her bandmate in front of me talking about certain famous women and that she didn't think a certain woman was her "type." So I was like, "YESSS! she's not straight because she has a 'type'!" But she is straight. She's had several boyfriends and guys she's dated before so I know she's not into girls.

I hate this because I do have to see her every weekday, and I secretly hope we will become better friends and hang out outside of the workplace. I don't know what to do. I'm really not the type of person to confront her about hanging out. I'm way too shy and I hate this. I don't know what to do.

Please help!!

 

Hey Monraffe and Greenapple, thanks so much for your responses!

So I've been trying to analyze this situation some more, and I honestly think it might be because I'm still really new to this city and I'm 3000 miles away from my best friends and family. Maybe I'm just vulnerable, and therefore the first attractive person I meet and become closer to becomes my next crush?

It took me 4 years to get over another straight girl I was in love with, that was absolutely the hardest thing I had ever been through. This probably added to my vulnerability. In all honesty, I'm definitely not ready for a relationship. I am not where I want to be in my life and I'm just unhappy with how things are right now. So it's definitely not the right time and place.

Anyways, the worst thing is I keep imagining me and this coworker together...it drives me nuts! I'll literally be doing ANYTHING, and there she pops up in my head again! And then I'll waste 1-2 hours fantasizing about this, and I know it's never going to happen. I've been googling tons of ways of how to get over a crush and fast, I don't want to waste another 4 years of my life. Thanks guys! I really appreciate your help!