finding out im bi and being outed has caused me so much hell, on top of being a half-orphan, having a brother that ran out on his kid, having my whole life turned upside down, losing my job and three of my closest friends, a girlfriend, a church, not being motivated to even get out of bed for days on end, having my kajiit in skyrim live a happier and more fulfilled life than I do and living with undiagnosed ptsd for 8 years, i now found out im fucking trans, just great. im supposed to start college in a month, if i cant even handle getting out of bed how i can i handle a full-time academic workload? some days im like proud and whatever, and i was earlier tonight, but ive been having such massive mood swings this past couple of weeks, honestly i cant emotionally deal with not being cis, i told myself a year ago, i was like i can handle that i might be bi, but i better not end up being trans bc i cant handle that. can i just go back to being a nice little cishet christian boy who played drums in the church band and had ppl that cared about him and could get out of bed more than once a week?
That is horrible. Really, what you are experiencing is awful. But I think that in the end, being yourself will bring you greater happiness than hiding away. The only problem is getting to that. (*hug*) If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me.
Are you sure it is your sexuality that is the problem here, or is it more likely that being outed is the problem? When someone outs us, it's terrible, because they are taking away from us our right to choose the time and place. That loss of control can be devastating. I know the idea of going to college might seem daunting, but it might also be a blessing. You may find people with a more reasoned outlook in that environment and it could help you to cope a little better with the shock of being outed by someone else + the other issues you mentioned. If your college has any counselling services it might be worth looking into as there are multiple issues that are coming together and dragging you down. Exploring those issues with someone else could help a lot.
