Hey everyone. First off I'd like to thank everyone who has given me advice in the past, and all the friends I've made on here. Now for what I came here for. I'm back at school, and didn't expect it to hit me so hard. I'm so tired all the time, I'm being kept awake from increasing suicidal thoughts. I've also taken up self harming again. My dysphoria is consistent, I hate existing the way I do. I just want to lay in my bed all day every day. I feel so fucking useless. I am always frustrated, I am restless. I thought this would pass, but considering the fact that I'd rather burn alive than exist that the moment has left me thinking otherwise. I don't know what I'm expecting to get out of this, maybe attention, I'm not sure. I just needed to let everyone know.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. As someone who's been fighting depression for the longest time I get where you're coming from. Are you currently seeing a therapist? It did wonders for me and medications do indeed help, I'm sleeping a lot better too. You're not useless, it'll get better with time! If you ever need someone to talk to, you can always leave me a wall message. best of luck to you, take care!
Thanks for that, Justin88. (*hug*) I am just about to "graduate" from my therapy sessions, but am being called back due to some concerns of possible ADHD. *sigh* I have never had medication prescribed for me, ever. I wish I had pills to knock me out just so I could get a good nights sleep... Thanks again, I'll shoot you a message when I get home tomorrow. (*hug*)
If you have depression - it needs treatment and so it doesn't sound great that you are ending therapy and you have never been on meds. If you are suffering … maybe it is time to discuss medications with your doctor? Even if it is just to get something to get you a good night's sleep. Google "sleep hygiene" to see ways of improving your sleeping quality
I know what depression feels like. I am seeing a therapist for it and am on medication and am getting better even though discovering I might be transgender has made things a bit more complicated personally. Yeah I was where you were months ago and I know that it can get really bad sometimes to the point where you really want to kill yourself, I know I was there at one point. My suggestion would to see a therapist and talk it out, or even cry it out like I have at times. Depression is not something that is taken care of quickly. Also bring up the possibility of medication if not already, it helped me some. Hang in there though, your an awesome person and you are not useless. Good luck to you and I hope things get better (*hug*)
You're definitely not alone in this. I had a really hectic time in school, too. On top of problems at home, getting through classes and dealing with all the people was just too much some days. If I could go back, I'd try to spend extra time in the one or two places I actually liked to be, like my friend's house where we'd just destress and play video games.
Thanks everyone for the support. @bingostring: The reason I am "graduating" from my therapy sessions is because my therapist thinks my depression isn't there anymore. But now I'm more in the rut of my transition, unable to go anywhere, I'm getting worse and worse. @Megan335: It's good (and bad) that we walk in the same shoes. I was in your exact position, but after accepting my identity, I was pulled out of depression for quite some time. And now, meh.. @Matz: I have also had a rough time in school, due to having my own opinions. Having a brain of your own is dangerous in a school society. I wish I had places to go where I could de-stress, but all I have in mind is my bed.
