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Life skill : rejecting people without hurting them

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Just Jess, Jul 26, 2015.

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  1. Just Jess

    Just Jess
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    Hi good people,

    I have recently discovered one of the more sucky parts of being a woman on the internet. Not that guys don't deal with this too of course, and I am happy to take advice from anyone that has it. But for me personally, turning people down - especially persistent people - was not a problem I had using the internet with a boy name and boy voice, and my new social role means learning new ways to deal with it.

    I absolutely hate it. These guys - I am oriented toward women, so it is only really an issue with guys - have done nothing wrong. They were actually really brave. A lot even know about my trans status (you would thing gay status too but idk) so I mean, we are talking good open minded people. But it feels like even the ones who say they get I am into women still keep kind of pushing their way in, even when we have absolutely nothing in common and nothing to talk about, for no other apparent reason than I am a girl on the internet. Whatever it is, stopping it and setting boundaries, is definitely a rejection.

    So yeah. Setting clear boundaries without hurting people. How the hell do you manage?
     
    #1 Just Jess, Jul 26, 2015
  2. TempUsername3

    TempUsername3
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    In my own experience, I kindly tell them that I'm flattered but I don't feel the same way. Some guys still do get offended and hurt and as long as your intentions are right and you say it in a polite fashion, there's really nothing else you can do.

    Hope this helps, good luck.
     
    #2 TempUsername3, Aug 14, 2015
  3. GarbageKnight

    GarbageKnight
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    There's no way to reject people and guarantee that they aren't disappointed or hurt, but honestly that's okay. We all get rejected in our lives from time to time and it's an important life skill to learn to deal with that as well.

    That being said, there are polite but firm (and clear) ways to say that you're not interested. If you want to, try that first. If they don't accept that, don't bother being polite because they're not respecting you at all.
     
    #3 GarbageKnight, Aug 14, 2015
  4. Fullofsurprises

    Fullofsurprises Guest

    This has always been hard for me. I feel you. Unfortunately, we can't control how people can react. I've told people the following: "I'm taking a break from dating." "That's sweet, but I just want to be friends." "I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way." Sometimes, these responses may still get a man to keep pestering you. In that case, it's best to be firm and keep saying no. You've done all you can when you have gently let someone down.
     
    #4 Fullofsurprises, Aug 14, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 14, 2015
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