this is gonna get long, so bear with me here. i work at a day camp with kids around the ages of 9-10. this being canada, we've got a pretty chill view on LGBTQ+ folks, so this is a new thing.. basically, one of the staff rules is to keep your private life private, and to not ever discuss it with the kids, ever. which makes sense, to a degree - they can't know our relationship status, our wild friday night party stories, or even really our ages... which is a bit much, but whatever. rules are rules, right? except that's one everyone seems to break once in a while - they slip up and mention their age, or their college major, or whatever. they ask the kids if they want to know, out of the blue, on the very first day like it's some kind of treat. but no big deal. i wear a necklace and a ring every day, both of which are significant gifts from my girlfriend. in the first week of camp, i was asked about the necklace by a camper, and i offhandedly replied, "oh, it's from my girlfriend." yes, my mistake. but the barrage of questions that followed - "you have a girlfriend?!" "that's gross!" "did you kiss her?" "are you gonna get married?" - happened so fast i can barely remember what my responses were, though obviously i was trying to shut the situation down as fast as possible. i got the occasional question in the days afterwards when they tried to get my guard down, and even some hurtful remarks ("why did they hire you? people like you shouldn't work with kids!" still nags at me, 9-year-old or not) but i largely kept my mouth shut. fast forward a few days and i'm getting in some serious trouble from my supervisors about "making the girls uncomfortable" and "sharing too much". because i mentioned a girlfriend, once, offhandedly. because saying "no" or "this isn't appropriate for camp" or nothing at all just gives these brats the room to make up their own conclusions, and then report them. i'm still in hot water, 5 weeks into camp, because girls from the first week are telling the new girls, who apparently go right to my supervisor to tattle. should i have kept my trap shut in the first place? absolutely - i'm in the wrong here. but if i was a regular girl who admitted to having a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend, would i have gotten in this much shit in the first place? i firmly believe no. it makes me sick to think about it - this was supposed to be the best summer, a job i've been dreaming of forever, and now i'm just so anxious that i want to throw up every day when i'm waiting for that bus. other counselors offer up every bit of their personal lives like bait in front of the girls, but when i say 'yes' to "is that ring from your girlfriend?" i'm in the office of the owner, getting scolded like some kind of pedophile. sorry this is so long - i just had to get it out somewhere, because it's really really upsetting? am i just seeing what i want to see and getting worked up over nothing, or am i really being wronged here? i know i messed up, but it shouldn't haunt me like this... should it? :help:
What you wrote made me sad because it is true. You definitely, not most likely, would not have experienced any flack for saying your boyfriend gave you the jewelry. You're picking up on the double standard that exists in education as a career field because of the views of institutions and parents on homosexuality. While the majority of people will give polite lip service to homosexuality saying "not that there's anything wrong with that" or "I have no problem with gay marriage" when it hits home, when it comes to someone teaching their kids, or being a camp counselor for their kids, that tune can change for many people very quickly. I do not know the answer to it, but it is out there and it is sad. I know it's easier said than done, but please do not let this harm you too much, instead let it inform you that in the future you may find yourself a lot happier as part of institutions that have values systems that are not in conflict with your lifestyle. You can and should always fight prejudice when you see it, but sometimes it's easier to just be in a supportive environment. This is very true in education, and especially true if it is important to you to engage truthfully with your students, which I find to be honorable in an educator and you seem to as well, noticing the exchanges between those who can disclose a lot about their personal lives and those who cannot. For an example of how far this can go, look up Margie Winters, the lesbian teacher who was fired from a Catholic School not far from me down here in the states. It's a shame because that appeared to be her dream job, too, teaching religious education at this Catholic school. Just please keep your head up. Hugs.
I am so sorry this happened to you! You are being wronged for sure. If it had been a boyfriend they would not make it such a big issue.
The rule makes sense, but it was an accident, and the response you got was honestly bullshit. Straight people can mention their boy/girlfriend whenever they want and no one even cares. The response was definitely because of your sexuality. However, they may have a semi-valid reason for not wanting you to mention (even offhandedly) being gay. If some kid told their parents, there are of course many people who think gays are pedophiles or that they will somehow "convert" children to be gay and all sorts of silly things like that. This parent may then be so uncomfortable that they will withdraw their child from the camp, or become angry at the camp leaders and cause problems. That's not to to say that it's right for you to receive special mistreatment, however, it's just unfortunately the world we currently live in. Sorry that happened to you :/
