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How to overcome that deep seeded feeling of worthlessness?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Yourlocaltaco, Jul 29, 2015.

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  1. Yourlocaltaco

    Yourlocaltaco
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2015
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
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    Location:
    San Francisco
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I'm 22 - recently I've been really serious about dating again and trying to find some friends. I've used dating apps like ok Cupid and plenty of fish to meet local guys. I've met four people in a two month period I've felt comfortable speaking and meeting.

    Things go great - we chat and get along over Skype, enjoy texting each other and so forth then we go on one date, they always tell me they're really having fun and that they're really comfortable around me. I sometimes offer the second date and sometimes I don't - sometimes I sleep with them and other times I want to wait. Problem is every time I go to schedule that second date they tell me they aren't interested in romantic relationships or worse they just block me. I feel so used and worthless - it's not like I wanted to instantly move to boyfriend realm, I just wanted to get to know them and maybe have some fun while doing it.

    This last one really hurt - he promised me he wasn't like the other guys... Kept being gentle and patient. I had a really good time and we had sex, he finished in a couple minutes once I put it in him and we cuddled the whole night... Then just randomly he blocks me on Facebook and Skype. A whole months worth of talking to sleep with me once.... I felt like used trash. Like I said most the time I'm not interested in sex. I've only slept with one of four past dates.

    I don't remember dating being this hard when I met my first boyfriend. I feel so lonely and broken due to how I'm treated. Being told they're interested, fooling around then being discarded for the next dude. Please help ec...
     
    #1 Yourlocaltaco, Jul 29, 2015
  2. Matz

    Matz
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2015
    Messages:
    97
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Minnesota
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I had a negative experience in online dating when I tried it, too. I think one of the downsides is that, while there are many people to choose from, not everyone is in a place for serious connections, not everyone is honest, and you're still taking a gamble on any individual connection to make it. There's nothing bringing people together except themselves--no community, no common goal, no shared history, etc--so a lot of them won't make it.

    Online websites for meeting people are the digital version of being in a crowd and stopping people for a chat. Most people you'd pass walking down the street might be nice to talk to or even exciting for awhile, but ultimately not for you or only out for themselves. It doesn't reflect a problem with you as a person or your worth. For people who are already lonely, having new faces come and go can just make the feeling worse because it gives you a taste of connection with nothing to keep.

    I wouldn't recommend giving up if you're ready to meet someone, but finding some stable casual company would be a good idea. Just people you can see and have positive interactions with on a regular basis so there's not so many negatives and so much uncertainty, even if you're not close. For some people it's volunteer work or their weekly MTG sessions where they can hang out, help and be helped, and just see friendly faces. For me it's a writer's critique circle and a small online circle of gamers who are friends of my friend. They're also good places to find new friendships if you click with someone or see them often.
     
    #2 Matz, Jul 29, 2015
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