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My mom outed me to my grandma ?????

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by internetperson, Jul 30, 2015.

  1. internetperson

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    I'm really ticked off right now. Okay right, so I told my mom earlier this year that I thought I was bisexual. I told her not to tell ANYBODY, and she promised not to.

    Yesterday I was shushing my mom because I wanted to see what Caitlyn Jenner was talking about on the TV. She asked me why I cared and I said it interested me.

    I just overheard her on the phone to my grandma talking about how I found the whole thing interesting. Then she just had to go a step too far and tell her that I thought I was bi. She told her everything. She told her how I said it's not a phase and she told her that she "felt" that way too when she was my age. she has no freaking idea what I've been going through.

    She talked about how the YouTubers I watch "influenced" me to feel that way. (WTF??)

    I'm so mad because now my grandma will tell my grandpa and then it will get spread throught the family when I haven't even figured myself fully out yet. This is hands-down the rudest thing someone's ever done to me before.

    So what should I do? Should I bring it up to my mom? I just can't believe this happened. I trusted her. :icon_sad:
     
    #1 internetperson, Jul 30, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2015
  2. Awesome

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    It is completely reasonable for you to feel betrayed by your mom. Try to have an honest conversation with her about how you feel and why you feel that way without sounding too angry at her. If you sound like you are mad at her, she might ignore the message that you are trying to get across. What is done is done, so you should focus on the positive: now you don't have to worry about coming out to your extended family. Ignore any remarks that they make dismissing your feelings. Stay confident within yourself, even if it means ignoring some things you hear.
     
  3. bubbles123

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    I'm so sorry that happened. That's seriously not fair of her to do that to you, but honestly sometimes parents just can't help telling other family members. I don't know why. Maybe they just feel it's their right since they're family?

    Anyway, I'm sure if she truly understood what you're going through and that you haven't figured it all out yet she wouldn't have told your grandmother. It was wrong on her part to make assumptions and disrespect that you asked her not to tell anyone. But I think the only way you can deal with this is to talk to her about it calmly. I'm sure you're mad and want to make her feel bad for it (I totally understand, I would!), but please don't. It won't make her understand and will probably just make her mad and feel entitled to her actions.

    Ask if you can talk with her and maybe plan out what you're going to say first. I know you already probably explained it all when you came out, but maybe she just needs to hear it again. Maybe you could start by saying something like "It wasn't easy for me to come out before and I overheard you on the phone with Grandma. It just hurt me a bit that you told her and you think I'm probably just going through a phase. I've been thinking about this a lot and I'm still trying to figure it all out, so I wish you didn't tell her and I wish that you wouldn't tell anyone else."

    In terms of everyone else finding out, it doesn't seem like there's much you can do unfortunately, except talk to your grandparents and ask them not to tell everyone. If your other family members do find out, they may not even bring it up (if they're anything like my extended family). If they do, maybe you could say you don't really want to use a label yet (or something). But going forward, don't let what they know influence your thinking if you're still trying to figure it out. Don't feel like you have to fit the bisexual mold just because they all expect you to. Only you really know what your sexuality is and that has nothing to do with what people may think it is.


    I think in time your mom will come to see that it's not just a phase. Having just heard about it, she probably wasn't really sure how to handle it and maybe she's experiencing some denial right now, which is normal and I'm sure she'll come around if you give it time and are open with her about your concerns (which I know you probably don't want to do after what she's done, but it's still important). I hope this helps and best of luck.(*hug*)
     
  4. internetperson

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    Okay thank for the replies guys (*hug*) I guess I'll just talk to my mom about it today