Do you think age difference matters in a relationship? If so, what age difference is too far apart to have a relationship with someone else? I've had people in my family have relationships that were 10+ years apart and they have been happy together. This makes me think that age difference does not matter. However, I think the age of the younger person does matter. For example, 10 years apart where the younger person is 18, I would say is too far apart. But 10 years apart where the younger person is 28 is not too far apart. What do you think?
You pretty much hit it correctly. Once the younger person reaches his or her late 20s, age differences matter less. There are still complexities and issues, but they decrease as both parties age. Age differences of more than 3 or 4 years for people in their teens and early 20s are likely to be problematic (and age difference of even 2 or 3 years in early teens can be problematic) for a whole variety of reasons. Of course... the age gap apology choir will show up and argue otherwise, but generally, age gap relationships outside of the boundaries described above are rarely healthy, and generally don't last.
I think it comes down to maturity, the differences between a 12 year old and 17 year old are much much greater than two people aged 25 and 30. I don't buy the whole "it's only a number" argument, especially when only one person has pubic hair! I think the half your age plus 7 rule is pretty spot on.
I'm of the opinion that if you're an adult, date whoever you want. If you're 25 and want to date an 18 year old, go right ahead. It's your mistake to make.
In the early teens it would be very difficult to date someone too much older than you. It just wouldn't work out. When you're older, age doesn't matter too much, maturity levels should match up, that's what I think. I would personally rather be with someone my age (2-3 years flexibility in the future) because I'd want to grow old together with them and if someone was, like more than ten years apart I'd be sad seeing them age before I did.
It matters if one of the parties is old enough to be the other's parent and vice versa. Then it just gets weird.
I could entertain being a new adult and dating much older being "Your Mistake to Make", but that definitely does not apply for the older party. Technically, being an adult and dating a child would be "Your Mistake to Make". Everyone thinks that they are beyond their years in terms of maturity. Everyone might not be interested in dating older, but there are extremely few people on this planet who would honestly think to themselves, "Maybe, I'm too immature to date this person". Therefore, the responsibility falls back on the older party to be able to admit to themselves that their experience, intelligence, maturity, etc, has the potential of causing an unequal balance in this relationship. The same abilities with other factors that have a high probability of leading to power imbalances such as relationships where only one party has a disability, citizenship, etc. If a legal adult wants to pursue a relationship with someone who could potentially hold more authority and control within the relationship, then that is absolutely their mistake to make. You don't get to use the excuse of doing what you want to do and making your own mistakes when you are the one who stands to benefit from pursuing relationships with people significantly younger, inexperienced, or dependent than you.
these guys hit it spot on. i'd like to add that sometimes people are in two different stages in their lives when it comes to that. let's say 22 and 55, one's got the dating experience and was married before, the other is just getting their life started. it really depends on the dynamic and maturity the situation can present.
Relationships with a small difference also don't last, no? And while the reason for them isn't age gaps, there are other reasons, like abuse which hardly as anything to do with age. I'm actually seeing someone that's a lot older than me. I met him through an app, and I thought it was just going to be a friendly meet, but man was I wrong. We've been together for 4 months now, and things are going great! I don't see him as my dad, as I already have one, but rather, my boyfriend. A Successful relationship can arise when both parties want the same thing, cooperate, and be completely open and honest with each other, and most of all, take the relationship at a pace that works for both. With that said, I do get the point you are trying to make. They are both at different parts of their lives, but that's where both can cooperate and make something work. Any (and I mean any) relationship will have problems, guaranteed. When age is not an issue, cultural differences may be the problem. Or when cultural differences are not the problem, childhood abuse may be the issue... and so on. My conclusion is when it comes to age in relationships, they don't always end up being the "parent and kid" relationship, although that seems to be the stereotype behind it, as the stereotype of gay guys being feminine; we know that's not true. and I certainly don't see my relationship in this way at all. Think about it this way: If you currently love someone at the moment, are you in love with who they are as a person or how old they are? If you're so obsessed about age differences in relationship, then you're already starting at the wrong foot. My conclusion is that any relationship will have problems, and the reasons for them ending will vary as you may know, age being one of them. For every beginning, there is always an end, we just don't know when.
Thanks for this perspective Jax12. (*hug*) I initially wrote up this question because I met a guy that I liked recently at a group event and we had a lot in common in different ways. He appeared to be attracted to me too. Based on my perception of his physical appearance (which I was wrong about), he appeared to be the same age as me or a couple years younger or a couple years older. We have been emailing back and forth and are planning on meeting up at some point to hang out, which I am excited about. Being the over-thinker I am, I investigated a little online with just really basic information and ended up finding out more about his age. I don't know his exact age, but based on education, he is likely at least 10 years older than me. After finding this out, I felt a little let down to some degree. I honestly think we have a connection and I do want to get to know him better, but my initial knee-jerk reaction to learning about this difference in age was kind of a thought like "this will never work out". From our discussions, I would say that we are similar in terms of our outlooks on life and some views and beliefs, but being 10 years older, he might perceive me differently and I know if we ended up really liking each other, we would probably be judged by family based on this age difference. I'm 25 by the way. So I'm kind of conflicted inside. Regardless, I would like to remain friends with him, but it just makes me kind of sad that our chances at a relationship are probably slim to nil solely because of age (which might just be my perception that I would have thought to be based on logic/statistics). Don't get me wrong, I'll still put in the effort to give our relationship a chance and based on the discussion on this thread, it definitely seems like it is ok to have a relationship with him, I just need to not internally judge us (which obviously from my comments I have done partially). If others judge us, fine, but I need to be ok with it, too. It's just a number... (&&&)
I would honestly give it a chance, because it's unlikely that you'll know from the beginning whether you'll fall in love with this guy or not. Quite honestly, you can only take this a day at a time and see where it goes. Give everything a chance, because life is all about seeing where your decisions lead you, for better or for worse.
There are lots of things that make relationships not work. But significant age gaps are a near-guarantee of relationship failure, that's why it's important to discuss them. Sort of like saying "Well, there are lots of things that are unhealthy and you shouldn't do, but heroin is incredibly addictive to nearly everyone who uses it... so staying away from it is a good idea." Same with age-gap relationships, though the success rate is probably a little higher for age gap relationships than it is for people who successfully use heroin regularly without becoming addicted. Then best of luck to you. Perhaps you're the exception that proves the rule. Or perhaps you're still in the oxytocin period and the problems won't surface until that wears off. Problems with age-gap relationships often don't show up for months, because the problematic behaviors tend to mask themselves for a while. I agree with that, and at the same time, openness and authenticity are almost impossible for *anyone* in a new relationship because few people (and even less so men, and even less than that, gay men) are comfortable with the vulnerability that a truly healthy relationship requires. So the problems that usually crop up are with unconscious-driven behaviors (control, clinginess, power, etc) or insecurities, most of which don't show up right away. Vulnerability is a practice, and in the best relationships, both people enter at a similar place and work through their issues together. It's not as simple as parent and child. There are a multitude of factors that enter into it, and many are very subtle and only surface as problems after some time. Worse, it often takes a lot for the people in the relationship to even see how unhealthy the relationship is. Right, but at the same time... referencing what I said above, if you know that, statistically, something is very, very likely to have problems, you can either be the eternal optimist and convince yourself you'll never become addicted to heroin... or you can look at the overall trend and say "Well, I'd probably be better off trying something less likely to have issues." It's an imperfect analogy, but the concept is somewhat similar with relationships.
I think any age difference is fine. I think the only time it's not okay is when the people in the relationship can't treat each other as equals. Like if one person's always more superior to the other, which can be hard to avoid with a big age gap. If that's the case, it's not a healthy relationship to be in.
Age gaps dont have to be a problem in relationships.It all depends on the individuals involved.I understand the negative views and to be honest i used to think the same.But ive recently started seeing someone who is a lot younger than me and age doesnt even come into it. It bothered me at first but i think that was mostly down to what i worried other people would say.Its just a number.It doesnt stand in the way of our relationship.
Here's a calculation that I read somewhere recently. Younger Half your age plus 7. So if you're 30 years old, the youngest person you would date is 15+7=22. Older On the flip side, if you're attracted to older people it's: Your age minus 7 and double it. So if you're a 30 year old, the oldest person you would date is 30-7=23 then 23x2=46. May not work for everyone though.
