Hello all, for those taking the time to read this thread I would like your advise on the following: I started working for a company two years ago and fell head over heels for my team boss, I came out to him (he is gay) and we had a short fling, kept it behind closed doors obviously because of the work situation. After some times things got complicated and my boss decided we should quit and stay friends as the pressure of ppl finding out at work was getting to him. I found it hard at first but understood the pressure he was under due to the function he had. All was cool at work and our work relationship was just that, nothing more nothing less. Then we ran in to eachother on a night out, where both quite drunk and ended up together round his house again.... the feelings where still there, both sides and this situation went on for the best part of 6 months after which I felt the need to stop it as I didnt want to be leading some secret life, I quit my job and moved on. We met up as friends for a beer a few weeks back, he told me he had since got into a relationship with someone and I felt happy for him..... glad... I'd moved on... so I thought. We stayed in touch, the occasional app here and there... all platonical... nothing behind it. Then last week I received an app to see if I fancied a beer as his boyfriend had to be up early for work and he felt like catching up over a beer.... I didnt hesitate... we're friends I thought to myself so why not..... We had lots to talk about, discussed his relationship and the dates I had been on and general company stuff.... ex collegues etc..... as the evening progressed we where both very drunk again..... he ended up kissing me.... to which I pulled away.... said this is not done.... you have a bf... he's upstairs in your bed.... he made another pass.... to which, well.... bad as it is... I couldn't resist..... we ended up kissing and talking.... and at one point decided to leave his house and go to mine..... he spent the night, we didn't do anything other than kiss.... no sex just holding eachother..... how I'd missed this.... missed him..... I told him I had missed him, he said he'd missed me too.... I woe up the next morning wrapped around him..... all but my birthday suite on.... how good it felt.... it's not all about sex.... that strong longing for him, holding him... waking up wrapped around him... fils a hunger I can't describe. Anyways..... we agreed to have beers again and meet up two days later.... We did.... but as soon as I walked in... he was very ehm.... distant, and kept mentioning his bf's name... and talking about him... understandable i thought... he's feeling guilty. As the evening progressed we where quite drunk again... and this time it was me who made a pass at him.... he pulled away and said we shouldn't.... he was in a relationship... I agreed.... and apologised..... We still ended up going to mine and where gonna sleep there... again no sex... I didn't want that...... we where at mine for all but 30 mins.... he went quiet and said I'm going back home.... we can't..... I agreed.... he left... I went after him... and slept at his.... well all for about an hr... after which I asked if his bf had a key to his house.... yes he replied... and it hit me that this was not on..... I was wrecking someone elses chance of hapiness.... I left and went home.... I feel guilty now.... I'm not a home wrecker.... but my feelings for him still run deep.... never felt such a longing for someone as I do him.... my heart breaks when I think about it... but what should I do..... and what was he playing at...... being drunk is no excuse... We shouldn't get in touch I think.... but not having a piece of him in my life breaks my heart..... Any advice be it positive or negative would be more than welcome... for now I have decided no cantact is the best... he needs to give his relationship an honest chance.
Hey there Frederique! Although I do agree on your friends part that he does not want to ruin his relationship with his boyfriend. Does he have a single clue what he means to you? or his drunken stupor does to you ?. Talk with him over coffee over something, not alcohol. I'm rubbish at giving advice but I hope this helps (*hug*)
Thanks for your reply Evitermoi, much apreciated. Your probably right.... It needs discussing... over coffee.
I think Evitermoi makes a good point about only meeting with him when sober.. and remaining sober. Alcohol impairs the judgement of everyone - that's why we can't drive vehicles under the influence. It sounds like you were disappointed when he told you that he has a boyfriend and I get the impression that you would have liked to have dated him yourself, but I wonder if you really feel the same way now? Afterall, if he would kiss and sleep with you while he is dating someone else, does it not call into question his relationship morals? If he'd do that to his current boyfriend, would he not do the same to you, if he'd a few too many drinks? You can put it down to impaired judgement, but I'm sure his boyfriend wouldn't see it that way and I doubt you would if the tables were turned. It's all worth thinking about. If you want to remain friends and meet for coffee, that's fine, but avoid complicating things by drinking alcohol.
Thanks for your reply Patrick, much apreciated. Yes.... I would have liked to have dated him myself thats true.... I fell for him badly.... that's calmed down a bit now.... but him kissing me well... the feelings are still there.... I'm keeping my distance as I don't believe in homewrecking... maybe he still has feelings for me.... if so I don't wan't to be responsible for ruining someone elses happiness.... It's not done. I've known him for over a year now.... never had him down as a stopout... and I still don't have him down as that... tho what you said has crossed my mind.
