I've always struggled with anxiety and depression. Lately I've really had a hard time and I've gone back into therapy and stuff. I don't really have much of a support system, I have a really hard time trusting people enough to open up to them. But the key person in my support system has been my best friend. We've known each other for years and years now and we're very very close. He has always been there for me and helped me to feel better. But lately he's started telling me that he just can't handle me anymore and that he's not strong enough to be supportive to me. Before he had said I could always talk to him at any time about anything. And now every time I tell him something negative about the way I'm feeling, he asks me to "hold it back". Meanwhile, if he has a bad day at work he goes home, vents to me, and then disappears to play video games. Why does he get to vent and be upset and get my sympathy and love and consolation or whatever but I'm suddenly not even allowed to tell him that I'm feeling anxious?? I feel really really hurt by this but I don't know how to talk to him about it. Every time I do he just spirals and says things like he's a bad person and I deserve a better friend. I've given him so many resources to use to be a supportive person to me but he says he can't do it. I don't understand. My thoughts and feelings are so confused and tangled up I don't know what to do anymore but I feel like I'm a huge burden.
First of all, let me say I'm so sorry for what you're going through and you should never feel like a burden because you're not! As someone who deals with anxiety and depression on a daily basis I can tell you its hard. Obviously you have every right to feel betrayed if he said he'd always be supportive and hes suddenly looking the other way. With that said, he might also be going through things. Maybe give him time? You said he's your best friend, he wouldnt suddenly stop caring for you! Have you considered going into therapy? Venting and talking your emotions out could help you greatly. You can always ask for support on EC as well. We are here to help. (*hug*) BTW, your cat avatar looks totally adorable!
Yeah I started back in therapy about two months ago. He is FtM transgender and started hormones in March and so I think part of his total inability to listen anymore is caused by the hormones. I know they make him more aggressive and part of that is probably also manifesting as impatience. But every time he says things like "I'm bringing him down" or "I'm just too much sometimes" it's like my heart is breaking. I finally had someone that I could trust and now my trust in him is all but gone. I know the hormones are rough though and so I'm trying really hard to remember that. It would just be nice if he could be even a fraction of how supportive I am to him. He won't even read a two-minute article about supporting a depressed friend/family member. To me it feels like it's him saying that he doesn't care enough about me to even try and understand and be supportive.
I think the hormones are playing a big part into it, unfortunately there's not much you can do about it. If your friendship is becoming too toxic may I suggest you take a break from him? Two negatives don't make a positive in life. It sounds like it's very unhealthy for the both of you
He and I are like siblings we were always there for each other. Lately though it's just me being there for him. In person we're totally fine we have a lot of fun and if I feel upset he is pretty acceptable at making me feel better. It's just that we chat also constantly online and that's where all the problems and misinterpretations come up. Neither of us have a lot of friends and so we spend a whole lot of our time together so it's hard to imagine taking a break from him. But it might be getting to that point soon. Basically it feels like it's my fault, I feel like if I could just stop being depressed and anxious that our relationship would go back to normal >< Thank you so much for talking to me, it means so much to have someone respond.
Please don't blame yourself, its not your fault at all! I get the closeness that you and him have. Before you decide anything I think you should have a long talk with him. If that fails then separate yourself for a while.
I'm so sorry about you and your friend. Depression can really cause problems in a friendship. It's definitely likely that hormones are affecting your friend's reactions to you. The hormones are effectively changing his brain chemistry, and with that there are going to be personality changes. It's hard not to take it personally, but try not to. Offer to support him, but make sure he aware that his lack of being a good friend is also hurting you. Unfortunately, you can only do so much. I feel bad for you because I've had friends tell me the same things when I've been very depressed. I've suffered from episodes of Major Depressive Disorder at various points in my life, so I know how that feels. As for your own depression and understandable need to talk and have someone listen to you and support your, a suggestion that I have is that you can look for depression support groups in your area. This gives you a chance to talk with people who have varying degrees of depression-and who share the same struggles- and who aren't your friends or family. People offer support to each other and they can be a really good idea to do besides just therapy with a counselor. They definitely are not for everyone but you can try one and see what happens. I really hope things get better for you.
Thanks for the advice about the support groups! I live in Japan so it's hard to find English-speaking anything but maybe something exists that my counselor would know about. I don't think he is aware that it's likely the hormones making him so easily frustrated by me. And I definitely don't blame him for it. But I am hoping that if I can talk to him about this possibility that this is why he's having so much trouble with me lately, he can be more mindful of his words and maybe talk to his own therapist about this.
I wish the best of luck to you! I'm sorry I couldn't give more advice, hopefully some of the advice I gave you can help you somewhat.
I completely understand your situation. I've been there myself where I feel I have no one to confide in about my issues and anxiety anymore. First off, you should get your friend to understand the error of his ways in saying such hypocritical things and not letting you vent. It might be tough, but if you push it just right, you'll finally get him to understand. Tell him that it's important that you be able to vent as well for your own sake and for the sake of your friendship. I've lost quite a few friendships myself due to not being able to confide in those friends anymore, and I'd really hate to see that or anything else I've experienced happen to such nice people like you. Keep in mind that you and him breaking apart is a possible outcome, and if that does happen, you will always have your supportive colleagues here on EC. I wish you the best of luck on this endeavor of yours, and I hope that it doesn't have to come to you losing your best friend.
