So I'm in love with a girl. She's in love with me too, and it's been this way for around 18 months, but so on and off, because other friends of hers kept on telling lies about me and trying to screw things up for us. I was so scared of their gossip because I've met so many untrustworthy people, and I knew how jealous they were. That's not really my fault though, because she had been sleeping with some of them before I came along. So although they weren't serious relationships in her mind, the other people didn't always see it that way themselves, and they hated me for being the one she loved more. Even though I have way more in common with her than them. Anyway, so after ALOT of twists and turns, she finally realises how much bullshit they had been stirring, especially one girl who is really messed up because of her background, she had been lying and scheming and trying anything to keep us apart. So finally my dear friend realises this, and she and I get closer again, we were so happy, smiling, laughing, and I just felt that soon we could be at least trying to have an intimate relationship... but now I see her and another girl who really likes her come back into the office with big smiles on their faces. They looked like they'd just had the best time of their lives, but I know that she isn't really into the other girl, although the other girl really likes her. My friend is physically attracted to her but she often goes with this girl as a substitute for me because the other girl is more confident in her sexuality, she seems to think this will give her confidence to flirt with me but it's having the opposite effect on me, it's making me really hurt. She seems to "need" the support of a sexually confident girl, and for some reason cannot put enough trust in me to think that perhaps we could find that together. Yet it;s because of our shared kind of upbringing (religious and homophobic) that we have so much in common. We both put others first at all times and seem to have low self esteem. HOW can I help her to see that I am ready to be with her , if only she is ready to be with me?????????? :tears:
I know some people will probably think she is a jerk for going with so many other people, but she was like this before I came along, and it seems to be her way of coping with anxiety about her sexuality. She is from a Hindu background and in her culture, men have the power so women all support each other, and I don't think she realises that in Western culture, it's everyone for themselves. So of course there will be rivalry between girls if she is seeing several at once!! Going wth a girl she really likes would be too scary so she plays it safe. I just want her to know how much I love her.
There's nothing wrong with seeing multiple people as long as everyone's on board and no one's competing. It doesn't sound like this situation fits that bill. It sounds like you want a monogamous relationship and she's not giving that to you. I think it all comes down to two questions: 1. What do you want? 2. What does she want? The only way to find the answer to the first one is to do some serious soul-searching. This isn't about what you're willing to put up with; it's about what you want in a relationship. To find the answer to the second one, you need to have a serious talk with her. Tell her how you're feeling. Listen to what she has to say. And then decide if that's something that you want to pursue. And if you're willing and she's able, consider suggesting that she seek help. An impartial professional might help her to handle her anxiety about her sexuality, her toxic relationships, and her self-esteem.
Hi thanks for replying, it is helpful. I don't expect monogamy because I like guys as well and both our parents would like us to marry men so I would not expect that. But I don't feel jealous of her with men, just with other special girls. How can we get closer if we can't spend any quality time together??
