I'll put this up in a way first that it's like it is something you're experiencing but it's really something that happened with me. You met someone a year and a half ago, you spent an afternoon and the next day together. You had a big crush on this person after they left the country a couple of days later. You never told them, because of fear and because you've never done that before, and because just recently you came out to yourself. But this person is your Facebook friend. Recently you notice it's the person's birthday. You give happy birthday wishes and the person says thank you and that he/she misses you. You say that back and a few days later, you say hi and maybe you could chat someday. Yes, sure, maybe next day but nothing happens, maybe not online or something. A few days later you send a message, you say you want to talk but preferably when this person has enough free time, and that this may sound weird but you need to talk about something specific. This person replies, saying that he/she is travelling but message and when there's wifi, he/she will reply. But the thing is, you want to tell this person, for the first time in your life that you tell anyone anything like this, and you start thinking, is it fair to say this while he/she is travelling? Is it selfish? Am I comfortable with it? Am I comfortable at all? I guess not. Should I ask to wait? Or is that unfair too, having hinted something specific. I have no idea what I'm doing, I'm 13 right now (though I am 30) Am I selfish wanting to share this with her? I'm also terrified because she's from a country known for not being the best in accepting lgbt and I have no idea what kind of reaction I'll get, but then I wonder if I'd regret never telling, or if I regret telling, well if it ends bad then I guess we were never fully friends in the first place since we met so briefly. I just don't know what to do. I've never dated anyone that I first met in person, I've never flirted, I've never declared anything like this to anyone. Completely new territory to me. When I was in a kind of a relationship it was just online meetup and the next day we were a couple but there was none of the flirting or crushing or anything before, or even after. I wonder what the point is, since we probably will never have anything between us. Maybe my point is stepping into my feelings and expressing them, acknowledging them as something real and starting to have the courage, and experience of doing that. I still haven't forgotten how I felt around her though I forgot what we talked about and such, just I remember being the best version of myself around her.
I feel like I sound selfish wanting to tell her, kind of think so, but at the same time I think, am I being a coward if I don't? I feel so awkward about this post but I guess that's because of my inexperience. (and please excuse my English, it's my second language) Maybe it's simple and just don't talk about it. Just forget it. I tried that though and then I have the crush again. Just kinda sucks.
Talking to her in real time chat (and thus expecting an immediate response) could be difficult on her. Especially if she is straight, has never been in a similar condition and this comes out of the blue. I would wait until she's back from her trip and then send her an email, giving her the time to read again and again what I have to say and then carefully replying. As to what to say and how, I honestly have no idea. I've never said it out loud, myself..
Please understand that it's rather unlikely that anything could happen. But maybe confessing could help you accept who you are, drop the 'questioning' label for something less doubtful and let you move on. Don't get your hopes up and don't be upset or sad if she doesn't respond in an understanding way. I used to be in denial for about a decade. That's a very long time... I still haven't told anyone, but ever since I told myself 'ok, you're gay' I have very slowly started to think less and less about my trigger crush.
I would tell her. Actually I plan on confessing to a close friend of mine that I had a crush on her. Not so much because I want something to happen between us as we don't live in the same country anymore and I have moved on, but because she participated greatly in the realisation of my bisexuality so I feel like telling her is a way to acknowledge the feelings I didn't dare to acknowledge back then. To be fair I am pretty positive she'll react perfectly well and I actually think she's known all along and always wanted a confirmation (not to do anything with me as she's had a boyfriend since we've met but I do believe we had something when I was there that we both felt and I am pretty sure she always wanted me to confirm it as she's been sending hints for as far as I can remember and to be fair a part of me also hope that she'll confirm she did feel something for me back then and that I didn't crazily imagined all the hints.) so I guess we'll see, but for some reasons I see it as a necessary step in my journey. I don't think you have much to lose by confessing your feelings to her, you live far away from each others and you rarely talk so in the worst case she'll feel uncomfortable and cut off all contacts with you but regardless of what her reaction is to your confession, it would be one step towards accepting and embracing your new found sexuality. You only really regret the thing you wish you had done. Good luck and hopefully your story happen to have a great ending, keep us updated if you can !