So... recently two dear friends of mine died in a car accident. The article in case you want to know: Hundreds mourn at vigil for 2 Southington teens killed in crash on I-84 | WTNH Connecticut News I was on vacation when I got the news (and currently still am). My dad texted me a few lines from another article. As soon as I saw the names I had this sensation like I had been hit over my spine with a bat. I fell to my knees and just stared into nothing, the very center of my being gripped with agony but I couldn't cry. Even after the shock wore off I couldn't. On the contrary, I got incredibly angry (I kicked a whole trough a wooden fence). I'm worried because this type of rage isn't characteristic of me. I'm more of a yeller than a smasher. I'm just stunned that I could've mustered that kind of anger and it frightens me. I don't know if it was that particular situation or if it's something I haven't stumbled upon until now.
Unless you get this kind of reaction more and more as time goes on I think it would just be situational. I'm not a yeller or a smasher of things but I've had a couple of moments where I've vented on an inanimate object---not long ago smashing a door against a cardboard box a few times (and then some more) because I knocked over a cup and spilled water all over the floor. It wasn't the spilled water but just the last straw for a stressful period of time and it all came out at that moment. You had to deal with a much more stressful and terrible moment. Lashing out like that is understandable and may have tapped into a lot more underlying feelings that were just waiting to be let out at a moment like that. I wouldn't worry too much unless it happens more and more. Edit: Forgot to say: very sorry about your friends.
Completely understandable mate, losing someone close to you is traumatic and sucks, really really sucks. It evokes things in ppl that they've never experienced before, this sounds situational but if extreme anger persists and becomes the way you face that injury of loss then it'd be wise to seek counseling. I'm very sorry you're having to deal with death, I've been there and I know it's not easy, even if your anger doesn't become a problem you might wanna get some therapy anyway. And if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me.
Let me just say how awful that is. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I've had a similar experience with not being able to cry. My grandmother, who I loved very much and lived in the same house as me, one day died of a heart attack in the middle of the night. I went to bed and she was fine, and the next morning she was dead. And the news was so shocking to me, I threw pillows all over though, punched my bed, did all sorts of stuff I wasn't used to. I couldn't cry. And it's weird because I am a crier, and it really annoyed me for a while. I think it's situational.
Grief has weird ways of manifesting itself- you need to let yourself grieve. It'll absolutely take time, but don't put it off. If you still have trouble getting through your emotions, or feel it's becoming unhealthy, you may want to seek out a therapist or counselor to help you through it. Or even just a good friend you can talk to. A confidant.
I'm really sorry to hear about your friends. A terrible accident and a terrible shock for you too. Please don't be hard on yourself, as the most unhealthy reaction would be no reaction at all. We all process feelings of loss and grief differently - there is no right or wrong. Uncharacteristic anger and rage is actually a very normal response. Why shouldn't you feel angry or outraged by what happened? It's also normal to cry, but if the tears don't come you shouldn't feel bad about it either as they may come at a later date. The best release of all is to talk about your friends. You may not feel like talking right now, but when you are ready, please do. I'm happy to listen if you need an outlet.
I haven't experience the sort of sudden loss you have, so I can't fully relate to it personally, but I can imagine what it must feel like, and how devastated you must feel. As far as how you handled it, you had an incredibly healthy, normal reaction, and one that shows that you have really good access to your emotions. This is actually a really good thing, not something to be concerned about. As Patrick said, not feeling strong emotions and wanting to express them physically would be the unhealthy thing. It probably feels unnatural because you aren't used to it happening, but you simply responded to an extreme loss. I usually talk about this in the context of coming out, but the stages of loss were originally written about dealing with death, and they are denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. So as you see, "anger" and expression of it is a normal, necessary, and healthy part of it, and for many people, anger comes before grief. Give yourself permission to process this loss in your own time, on your own terms. To be angry. To cry. To feel numb. To want to curl up in a ball. All are normal, all are OK, and all are actually a sign that you are an emotionally healthy person with a full range of normal emotional expression.
