Hey there, so I am currently not out and lately I have been feeling pretty lonely (happens basically every summer when I have free time). Long story short, I had a huge crush on a straight guy and have been trying to move on for the past year or so. Girls have liked me in the past, but I never flirted or anything because I didn't think it would be right since I'm gay. I have never been in a relationship and I'm really starting to crave it at this point. I recently created an online dating account to try and meet guys; I'm not using it to hookup or anything, I'm actually trying to meet someone and see where it goes (even though I know me not being out poses problems). I am not best looking guy, but 80 guys have liked my profile which is a good feeling. The problem is, I'm not interested in any of them. This will sound very superficial, but I'm not attracted to them; I don't want that to sound rude or mean, but I just don't have an attraction. I believe personality is much more important than looks, but I feel like you have at to at least find the person cute if you're going to possibly be in a relationship with him / her (really sorry if this sounds bad, I don't know if I'm explaining my feelings correctly). Some guys have messaged me, but I have not messaged them back because I think it would be wrong to get in a conversation and then say "I'm not interested." The few guys I have been interested in seem to not be interested in me (karma, I guess). At this point, even though I know I'm very young, I honestly fear being alone forever because I'm so picky. Do you think I'll have the potential to meet more guys when I eventually come out? I just don't want to join 1,000 dating sites and put myself out there. However, I'm getting to that point because I have been really craving a relationship. Also, I would like to hear how some other people deal with their pickiness. Thanks for taking the time to read this long post and hope to get some help.
I don't know how much help I can be as I have never really done the whole online dating or dating scene in general. But what I can say is I know where your coming from. I always felt like I was totally fine being alone and not ever needing someone until I went traveling alone and definitely felt like having even a friend helps so much. Being picky about not being attracted to some guys, I can say you got to give some people a chance sometimes. You can fall for someone's personally and then you will suddenly fall for their looks as well. Of course that is not true all the time. We all have expectations in who we vision our partner to be, but life isn't a fairy tale and having someone to laugh with everyday is way more important then looks. Not being out can cause some problems if you want to move the relationship forward, but making friends with people can make you more comfortable in who you are. All I can say is that if you want to meet even new friends you got to be willing to meet new people and not be so closed off to reject people completely based on looks. When you meet new people those can lead to meeting more people, which in the end you could end up meeting and then dating someone who you didn't meet through an online dating site.
I too have been trying the dating sites, most just want a quick one night stand.. not really into that any more.. guess this can take some time...
Whilst it's true that you need to find someone physically attractive, you also need to be willing to compromise a little if you are using dating sites. Sometimes you just need to meet people. Looking at a profile/picture may leave you feeling uninspired, but if you make the effort to meet the person you could be pleasantly surprised. Bear in mind that meeting someone does not commit you to a relationship or anything else with them, but if you find that you get on well you could stay in contact as friends. Surely that's a good thing? I'm not saying you should meet people if you have zero interest in them, but surely there must have been potential in one of two of those 80 guys who liked your profile? Also, be proactive and check out some profiles yourself. Don't wait for the right person to like your profile.. do some liking and messaging yourself.
Hi lovetomuch, the whole dating scene is scary as hell lol. But I agree with you, you have to be attracted to the person, that doesn't mean they have to look like a underwear model, they just have to spark something within you, something that makes you stop and want to know more. But like Patrick said, meet some people and make friends but make it known you're just meeting as friends, someone may suprise you and be the one. Pictures sometimes don't show our best side lol.
