Lately I've been feeling like a bit of a nonentity really. Every time I get to thinking introspectively I end up feeling sad because I usually start feeling like I have no personality or I'm inferior in some way. I feel like I haven't got any interesting talents, or hobbies. I mean I have hobbies but nothing that I'm unwaveringly passionate about. And I haven't felt the motivation to acquire new hobbies...I'll either talk myself out of it or be unable to follow through because the excitement wears off quickly. And I feel like I don't really know myself in any meaningful way, I don't know what drives me or what I want to be. It makes me afraid to go out and meet people because I'm scared that if they dig deep enough under the surface they'll find...nothing of interest. I guess that combines to make me feel behind in development. Everyone else seems to have talents, hobbies, ideas and seem to know themselves. I barely even know how to pass time of late. I often feel in groups like I have nothing to contribute, and it makes me feel pretty crappy sometimes. I feel like I'm behind everyone else, socially and on a deeper level of being in touch with myself. Recently this has been happening even around other people, when I can't find a way into the conversation I'll go into my own world and start thinking about all this stuff that bothers me, which kind of makes it worse because it can make me almost completely disengaged...which probably doesn't leave my friends with a good impression of me. So yeah... I guess I have this mindset where I'm always inferior by default because I feel quite unsure about myself and just like someone who isn't interesting to others. I guess I just feel like a crappy person not really deserving of much attention, and thinking about these things has become something that's making me detached and a little less able to enjoy things. The worst thing is, I know something feels off but when it comes to articulating it I never know how.
I used to feel the same way (you articulated it very well). I still do to some degree but things got easier once I stopped reflecting on if I was a good or a bad person, or likable or not likable, deserving or not, and so on. I was powerless to change the opinions people had of me. But I did have the power to decide what kind of person I was going to be to them in return. It is sad to never understand why people don't like you very much. Would you feel the same if you could see yourself through their eyes? Your love for them has always been true. Maybe their cage will never allow them to understand that about you. Don't ever stop trying to reach them. That has to be what true love is all about, right? If not then why are we here.
I feel exactly like you describe and I think that a lot of people may feel that way. That feeling of inferiority is not real. It's an irrational idea that people with low self-esteem tend to have. I am not the right person to give you advice on this, but you should try to avoid that kind of ideas. If you tell yourself that you're inferior, you may end up believing that's true. I know it's difficult. As for the hobbies, I'm at the same point. I've tried a lot of things and I'm not able to find the motivation I need. Anyhow, I don't give up. For instance, I like languages and next month I'm going to start a French course. I may not be motivated enough, but I will do it. I could enjoy it. What I want to say is that sometimes we don't know that we like something until we try it. Motivation can appear unexpectedly. This may not be very helpful, but I just wanted to write a post to show you that you're not the only one who feels like that. (*hug*)