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Appointment next Monday (17th)

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Ruby Dragon, Aug 13, 2015.

  1. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    I have another appointment with my psychiatrist next Monday (I'm bipolar). I've been with her for about 3 years now, and usually only see her twice a year, basically just to check that my meds are still working for me and to get a new prescription...

    Well, I've had a couple of bad moments recently and my parents urged me to go see her ASAP so that I can tell her about it and get the help I need. My aggression has gotten out of control again. I actually got out of my car and slapped a stupid driver who nearly drove into me because he was disobeying traffic laws. He turned into another street out of a lane where you are only allowed to go straight. I put myself in danger but at the time I didn't care, I just wanted to do some serious damage to this idiotic reckless driver. I hit his car too before I slapped him. I actually wanted to suckerpunch him but something told me not to, and a crowd started to form so I just turned around, got back into my car and left.

    Not counting the time I punched a guy in the stomach for touching me when I told him not to, I've never physically assaulted anyone. The other day my mom and I had a massive fallout over some stupid thing and we ended up kicking each other. She kicked me first and I just instinctively kicked back. Neither of us really got hurt, and my father broke up the fight. I've never attacked my own mother before, and the only other time one of my parents man-handled me was when my dad slapped me in the face because I was being cheeky. We didn't know that I was bipolar at that time. But I sure as heck remember that incident.

    My aggression was the main reason I went to seek help. And every time after I had an outburst, I'd feel depressed afterwards. Got diagnosed in January 2010.

    I have a good friend of mine who also got diagnosed with bipolar about a year ago, and we support each other and talk about our daily struggles.

    Ok, that's just some background info.

    The last time my friend and I spoke, I told him about the incidents above and said I'm scared to tell my doc about it because I don't want even more meds. I don't want to become a zombie. He said that it'll be ok and I have to tell her about it and get help before it takes an even worse turn. I know I have to get help. Well, I mustered up the courage and made an appointment with my doc. I was only supposed to see her again in November, but this cannot wait till then. I'm still terrified though and I just wish it was over already :frowning2:

    I guess there's not really a point to this thread, I just needed to get it off my chest
     
  2. OfTheKokiri

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    (*hug*)

    I was trying to think of how to respond to your post, but all I could think of is that you need a hug. You noticed an issue. You have taken steps to help solve said issue by making the appointment.... you are on your way.

    (*hug*)

    Good luck
     
  3. Blue787Bunny

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    I'll try to give my best here although truthfully I've never dealt with aggression issues before. I am more used to depression, mania and suicidal aspects of the Bipolar Disorder.

    First and foremost trust your Psychiatrist. Be 100% truthful. Why? How can she give you the best treatment suited to you when you omit certain aspects of your disorder. Remember that with the Bipolar Disorder treatment is tapered to the symptoms currently present such as manifestations of depression, mania and suicidal aspects but in your case Aggression.

    You have a fear of medications because you don't want to become a "Zombie". There are an array of medications for Bipolar Disorder such as Mood Stabilizers, Antiepileptics, and Antipsychotics. Each with its own side effect. If you are referring to the "Zombie" effect I believe you are referring to the Blunting Effects of Antipsychotics which happens in higher doses, wherein you feel dull. Antiepileptics, Mood Stabilizers aren't associated with the Blunting or as you refer to the "Zombie" effect.

    Here's my thoughts on the matter. Would you rather take a pill, you may experience some minor side effects, but live a "normal" life free of aggression, mania, etc.? Or continue on with your aggression, mania, etc. just because you don't want to take a pill?

    Think about your parents and the people around you. Do you think they are happy seeing their daughter acting out slapping people, kicking her own mother. As parents their hearts are breaking seeing what is happening to you, though they may not say it. They want their daughter back. The daughter that doesn't go around slapping people, kicking her own mother.

    Please do seek help. My advice is no substitute for the competent advice and treatment offered by a Psychiatrist. Hoping that you make the right decision :slight_smile:
     
  4. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for the hug and words of encouragement :slight_smile:

    Thank you, I needed to hear that.

    Aggression is actually one of the symptoms of a manic episode, as confirmed by this site :slight_smile: Besides the point though. Let me get back to the rest of my reply... :grin:

    At this stage, I take four pills for my Bipolar disorder. It doesn't sound like much, but I'd rather not need to take any pills. On top of those pills, I also take oral contraceptives and thyroid meds. So that adds up to 6 pills each day. Five in the morning, one in the evening.

    I used to date someone who had the more severe version of the condition. I am bipolar type 2, he has type 1 bipolar. We dated long before I got diagnosed, but I was influenced by his moods. Whenever he felt low, I'd feel low too, and whenever he had a manic episode, I'd also become euphoric and full of energy and feel ready to take on the world. My mom said he's a bad influence on me because she noticed these mood changes. Little did we know... Anyway, I mentioned him because he took about 20 different pills, and he'd get shaky when he takes them too late in the day. That scared me senseless, and that's when I developed my fear of, or rather, dislike in pills.

    The pills I take are 300mg (100mg and 200mg tablets) of Epitec; 2mg Zoxadon and 300mg Wellbutrin.

    Well, if you put it that way, I'd rather take a pill than deal with these stupid mood swings :eusa_doh:

    My dad and I went for a walk after the kicking incident and he said to me: "You think you're doing alright, but you're not. You're not only back where you started, you're worse. You need to tell your doctor about this because we're worried about you" That has stuck with me, and that is ultimately what led to me making that appointment two months earlier than I needed to... The first step is to acknowledge there's a problem. I've come that far. And I'm going to get help. Cannot go on on this road of self-destruction :icon_redf
     
  5. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    An update: My doctor increased my dosages and prescribed tranquilizers (hope that's the right word) for when things get out of control. The problem with that is, I can't carry it with me 24/7 so how am I going to know when I might need them? I will have to take them on a permanent basis if they're going to help... :dry:
     
  6. Blue787Bunny

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    By increasing dosages I take it you mean the previous medications you had mentioned--- Epitec, Zoxadon, Wellbutrin.

    By tranquilizers I suppose you mean Anxiolytics/Sedatives (Benzodiazepines--- Diazepam, Alprozolam, Clonazepam, etc). Well for sure you won't be able to bring Anxiolytics with you as these are controlled substances. If an enforcer of the law happened to catch you with it you can get apprehended and go around explaining how you a medical condition, etc then be demanded you give proof like your prescription. It's a big mess basically.

    It's not for me to say how you should take it. Assess the history of your cycles. Do you happen to have cycles at night? during daytime? every other day? every other week? Think about subtle cues or signs that premeditate your episode. Do you have slight anxiety in the beginning? are you irritable? do things just seem not right? There are subtle sub-threshold signs that premeditate sudden episodes. Are there certain situations which trigger stress on your part? Studies, work, other social settings, etc? After all episodes can be stress based. You can go from there. If you know that there is a probability for an episode you can best prepare for that.

    On a side note only take your Anxiolytics as instructed by your doctors and as needed. Anxiolytics are controlled substances for a reason. They are prone to abuse and hence addiction.
     
  7. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Yes! Sedatives. That's the word I was looking for. Thanks for nothing, Google translate :lol: :icon_redf

    My doc only increased my Epitec from 300mg to 400mg, and my Zoxadon from 2mg to 3mg. Wellbutrin stayed the same (Anti-depressant)

    Thanks for this. I didn't know, and nobody else told me, not even the pharmacist. Oh well, at least now I know :dry: My doc only prescribed 10 pills though, so taking them every day won't work. I guess I will have to assess my own mood in the mornings and decide whether or not I need to take one. Trouble is, I don't know if it'll impact my driving abilities. So I have to be careful. I wasn't given a leaflet either. So much for that then, eh?

    That explains why my doc only prescribed 10 of them. They're tiny pills that you put under your tongue. The only other time I took sedatives was when I was in a mental health clinic and I had a breakdown. They gave me sedatives and I went to bed.

    My cycles happen at random, but mostly during the day. I do not know of any sure signs/warnings that I'm going to experience an episode, except that I become very irritable and I'm much more sensitive to criticism. The only thing that really gets my stress levels up is when I'm driving. And other stuff that would stress out "normal" people too, like being called to the boss's office or going for training or something like that.

    Based on these things, do you think it's possible that I suffer from social anxiety:

    • I become anxious whenever a phone rings, even if it's not mine. I don't like talking on the phone, especially in front of other people.
    • Most of the time, I am unable to go to the store/a restaurant by myself. I tend to pick fights with the person who asked me to go (usually my mom), so that she'd get mad and ask someone else. But once in a while, I have no choice so then I force myself to go. I still don't like it and feel like everybody's watching me and judging me.
    • As soon as I get an invitation to a social event (friends), I immediately start thinking up excuses not to go. I can never relax when amongst a lot of people. I feel awkward and I become very quiet. I don't like when someone points it out because I don't want people's attention on me. I prefer to blend into the surroundings. The odd occasion I do attend social gatherings/parties, I need time by myself to unwind and relax afterwards.
     
    #7 Ruby Dragon, Aug 27, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2015
  8. Blue787Bunny

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    I think you know by now that I'm going to be saying that please note that my advice or any other person here on EC's advice is no substitute for the advice and treatment that a competent and licensed Psychiatrist can accord you. Please see yours. :slight_smile:

    Now in saying that, please do not take you Sedatives/Anxiolytics before driving or operating heavy machinery. Sedatives which from the root word itself Sedate cause sleep. If you take it and you happen to go driving or operate heavy machinery. There is a high chance that you would fall asleep and get into an accident. Judging from what your doctor gave you which is a pill that is placed under the tongue which we call a sub-lingual pill. This means the medication given to you has rapid absorption, therefor rapid onset. Since it is rapid onset you have more space to gauge your symptoms and mood, whether you are about to go into an aggressive rage. Since it is rapid onset you can take it just before progressing to a rage and not necessarily the morning where you think you will go into a rage. I think your Psychiatrist had this in mind when he/she prescribed you a rapid onset drug.

    As to your second question. I took emphasis on the following...
    "feel like everybody's watching me and judging me."
    "I don't want people's attention on me."
    By textbook definition a person who has Social Anxiety suffers from an excessive discomfort and unreasonable fear of social interactions or social situations. This is typically characterized by concerns of being scrutinized or being "under the eyes", judged or evaluated by others and fear of embarrassment or humiliation, criticism and/or rejection in public. Social Anxiety can encompass a wide scope of behavior, but based on what you've written I can point out some which stand out--- being the center of attention, interacting with people in social situations, talking on the telephone. It also seems you have Anticipatory Anxiety based on the picking fights or making up excuses right before an event.

    Now, the silver lining here is that you are aware that you have a problem. If you are to see your Psychiatrist talk to her/him about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, it can help you focus on the positives instead of the negatives of the situation. Another form of treatment for Social Anxiety is the use of Antidepressants such as SSRI, SNRI, MAOI. However it is important to note that you have Bipolar Disorder it is therefor contraindicated for you to use Antidepressants. You have a recourse though and that is to use Beta Blockers or Anxiolytics/Sedatives.

    I would like to reiterate my advice... Please see your Psychiatrist to discuss these matters further. :slight_smile:
     
  9. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Thank you so much for your helpful and insightful replies. You seem very knowledgeable and that's reassuring. I understand that your advice should not replace advice from a qualified p-doc though, but it is very interesting to me the way you describe situations/medications and their effects.

    So far, today has been going well. I am in a fairly good mood. I just hope it stays that way until I go to sleep tonight. It's about 07:47 here now. Hoping for a good day and weekend ahead. I am much more tolerant of my co-workers today. I think it's partially due to the meds, and partially a sub-conscious decision to be more tolerant and friendlier. With that said, there are one or two of the people who get on my nerves just by being in my presence. But everyone else feels that way about them too, so I know it's "normal" to have a strong dislike in them :rolle:

    I feel very energetic today, which is probably still the mania working its "magic". I don't mind the euphoria though. But I do mind the aggression/irritability, because I know that I tend to say hurtful things and the next minute I act as though nothing happened. It's a curse I tell you, lol.

    Anyway, to get back to the social anxiety issue: I just have to find the guts to ask my p-doc to test me for it and any other possible social interaction related "disorders". On the one hand, it'd be nice to know, but on the other hand, I'm scared of the results. I guess there's only one way to find out :shrug:

    And concerning the weekend: I am going to see my friends again on Sunday. I haven't seen them in about 5 months, and I miss them. So at least I'll be getting out of the house. To be honest, I can't wait to get out a bit. I might not enjoy the social interaction all that much, but I imagine it'll go well. Positive thoughts, lol.

    Thanks again for your replies, they're really helpful (*hug*) Now where's that "like" button? :grin: :lol: