Advice on multiple things [big mess of a post]

New here, came to make a thread, probably won't be hanging around once my questions are answered and opinions are given.
Hope that's okay. Tried to join a different forum first and it seems to be no longer active, as no email was ever sent to my account.
I may come around again every once in a while just to get a few more questions answered if they arise, but it really wouldn't be smart for me to be here more than that.
Putting reasons for that just because I feel like it, haven't told anyone, and I want to. 1. I don't believe in 'depression' and most forums like this are mainly centered around that. I didn't look into the threads and such here because I didn't want to see it and make myself pissy. But yeah, don't believe in it or other 'disorders' like it, and the people who claim to have it are just looking for pity. My opinion. I can remove it if I have to. But please don't go saying my opinion is wrong, just say 'please remove it' and I will.
2. I'm weirdly homophobic online. Not sure why, actually. :/ My chest tightens and I want to throw small animals at walls. Not actually. I like animals too much for that. But point is, I can't stand seeing it. Being on a gay forum isn't smart considering that. What makes it weird is that >50% of my friends are gay and I most likely am myself. I don't know. I have problems.
3. I'll probably remove this list if you can edit posts. Wanted to type it more than anything, not necessarily have people read it. That being said, don't reply to this. Only reply to the actual question things below, please.


Oi, so on to the stuff I came here for? Truthfully the feeling has faded and I don't want to post about it like I did yesterday. But may as well put it here anyway.
Should probably give a little background info before straight up asking questions lol.
I am 15 [am I allowed to say my age here?], a sophomore [autocorrect told me that is how it's spelled], female. Possibly probably trans. And gay. As in sort of attracted to dudes [will address this later if I remember to do so]. Friends know, sort of. Probably think it's a joke, some of them. Best friend introduces me by my 'male name' to her online friends. Not that she has many. Don't really care about people at school knowing. If they ask, I tell them. Simple as that. I've never encountered any 'bullying' at all and it's also something I don't believe exists [another one of my opinions, don't post here going against it. If you want to do that, do it through private message or something if that exists here]. Had more to say, probably, but I'm not feeling the need to post like I did yesterday so it's all pretty much left me. Typing now is sort of meh, this probably isn't how I usually type. Might be. I don't know. Not feeling it right now is what I'm getting at. Not putting much effort into this post.

Onward, once more.
Came here to ask and state things, I think. We'll just see what comes to mind and go from there.

1. As for being 'trans' how the heck am I suppose to know when this is really the right choice I want to make? Will I feel it or something that sounds cheesy and stupid like that?
I started admiring females in around 6th grade. I say admiring cos it wasn't exactly a crush but it sort of was. I was in 6th grade, so crushes there aren't really crushes. That was probably the start of all of this, it eventually ending up here. I don't like explaining myself nor am I good at it, so sorry if none of this makes any sense.
Anyway. Around 7th or 8th [the summer of 7th, I'm thinking], I somehow came across a transgender websites with products for it and such. And I was enthralled with it. I decided I was trans. I wrote a list of steps for myself.
Never followed any of them. I think I remember crossing one or two off as completed, but I don't remember them, so it obviously wasn't very important.
8th was pretty uneventful. Nothing weird. Was normal.
That summer and leading into 9th, the idea of being trans became more prominent again. And they still are. I think about it a lot, but not in a questioning way. Just thinking about it.
But I'm not sure if that's the way I should be going. Point of this block of text is: How will I know when that's the choice that's right for me? I don't want to be making mistakes here.

2. My parents don't know about the whole 'trans' thing. I wouldn't tell them.
In around 6th or 7th, my mother was doing my makeup. I was complaining, because I didn't like makeup [I still don't, most of the time]. My mother told me that I had to wear it because I was a girl, not a boy.
Also in 6th or 7th, I was probably whining about clothes I was being made to wear, being forced to shave my legs, being forced to wear makeup, one of those things my mother does. My mother asked me if I was lesbian, I said no [which was sort of a lie because at that time, I can remember identifying lesbian]. My mother said good. She said she'd still love me if I was. But she would beat the lesbian out of me.
I still can't figure out if that was supposed to be a joke. It was disturbing, really, even if it was. One of the things that hinder my possible coming out as trans.
To this day, my mother is still constantly telling me I'm a girl, not a boy. Even if I do stay female, I don't see why I should have to wear makeup and shave my legs just cos she wants me to. :/ Truthfully, I don't have a problem with shaving my legs. I do that by choice. But only when it concerns going to school. If it's summer and I'm just sitting around I don't see the point of it.
Makeup is okay from time to time. Once or twice a month. I'll put up with it on a *very* special occasion.
But forcing me to wear it everyday to school is ridiculous and I hate it. Forcing it on me isn't making me like it.
And I was rambling there. Sorry.
Point of this one was: Should I tell my parents [if I decide that this is something I want, before I hit 18]? How would I go about doing it? With my mom in particular.
To be honest, half of the time I don't even like my mom. I think about when I'm out of this house, I'm gone. Not thanking her for anything.
My sister, though. She's cool. I like her. When she thought I was lesbian, she was being all encouraging and stuff. I don't think I'd have a problem with coming out to her if I had to. She's in her 20s. Two kids.

3. Yesterday and the day before the feeling of need to write this stuff down and have people share their opinions on it was really strong. The 'trans' feeling in general was strong. I think it was because the new school year started. I had a chance to be who I wanted. And I was very tempted to put my 'male name' down in the nickname section. And I was tempted to put that I was trans in the 'other things I should know' section. I didn't do either, though. Didn't know the teachers, don't trust them yet. Not a good idea. But I really wanted to for some reason. :/

Ah, yeah. That's about it.
I had a lot more to say. Yesterday. The feeling has faded now. Just wanted to post here before I lost all motivation to do so.
The feeling comes and goes. Might be back later tonight or in a month. I don't know.
But I might just randomly feel the need to add other pointless stuff in. If I do I'll post it below and such.
Oi, I didn't re-read anything I wrote at all. This is probably a huge mess and I apologize. I don't actually know if I included questions. If I did, thanks for answering and sharing your opinions. ^^

 

Talking to my sister would be weird. Pretty sure she'd be okay with it. But she jokes about pretty much everything and I don't think I could take a joke centered towards me, right after I tell her [if I do]. Also wouldn't know how to start that conversation.

In the car this morning, on the way to school, figured out my mother's biggest insult is 'lesbian'. :/
She's said she's going to take my phone If I don't start shaving legs more often [god forbid I have stubble] and putting makeup on.
So I might be gone a while, I don't know. She'll probably take the laptop too.