I can't stand how different I am

I can relate, the stress of having to deal with being both bisexual and transgender can get down on me sometimes, there are times that I do wish I was in the majority. I always manage to remind myself that there is nothing wrong with me, that it's okay to be yourself, minority or not.

While religion has been a big help for me on a personal level in dealing with these things, it might not be a help for you. I'd say that you should not let what the world tells you to get you down, your who you are, your perfect, you should embrace it and just be yourself. *hugs*

 

Yeah, I can definitely relate to what you are saying. I'm not sure how this is manifesting in your life, but for me it's been showing up as chronic lack of self confidence, the constant underlying feeling of not good enough and loads of guilt. That was me until a few years ago, and it was hell.

I kept comparing myself to other people, but I somehow never met the invisible standard.
Now, I wish I had the recipe to tell you how to get out of this vicious circle but I don't.

A couple of years ago, I think mainly after my grandmother died and a phase of emotional numbness I started researching spirituality related stuff. I wanted to understand the world and myself (As I wanted for as long as I can remember only now the urge was much stronger).
So the last two years have been this emotional rollercoaster for me, when for a long time I changed my entire belief system every month.
It was exhausting but eyeopening.
I kind of stopped the searching, when I realized that there is nothing to find. At least for me now. It was a lot about letting go - and I realized gradually that the more I let go of my image of myself of who I managed to define myself until now, the happier I become.

And I realized that, for me, life has no sense in itself, but it has the sense I'm giving it to have.
So now I want to explore myself, what is there deep inside, who can I be.
I've never taken this direction of honestly looking at what it is actually that I like, and the reason for this was because I've always been convinced that what I actually like will not be accepted by others because I'm weird, so I always tried to first find out what others would approve of and than to like it. But this is a totally messed up order and it costed me my self-identity and sent me to the land of constant confusion and depression for not allowing myself to be me.

But since I started gradually to explore the weirdness of myself I started loving myself more and I think that is key.

Also something that helps to remember being authentic is that if you pretend to be someone you are not, you will attract people who will not be interested in you but the image you pretend to be, which throws you in the vicious cycle where you continue pretending to be other than you are. And to be happy you need people around you who love you for who you are and who want to be with you because of who you really are.
And believe me, there always are people who cannot wait to know the real you.

I hope this helps, I'm not an expert on this, but I know that being authentic to yourself, no matter how weird or different you think you are is an amazing feeling. (*hug*)

 

I can completely relate to this. I've always felt different and it was and still is to some extent a hang up for me. Not just because I'm gay but I've had to struggle with depression, anxiety and low self esteem. Im also a huge tomboy and most people seem to think I'm weird for it.

I think the way around it is to accept yourself for you. It's not bad to be different, it's just society which tells us not to be. As the years have gone by I have cared less and less how people perceive me. I know I'm a good person because the people who matter to me have told me so.