Before I start, I have to point a few things out. First off, I am a big guy. I always have been; I am healthy, though. I eat right (mostly), and I work out regularly; I just naturally gain weight and have a very hard time losing it quickly, but I'm an avid hiker, outdoorsman, etc. so I'm active most of the time if I'm not working. I've always struggled with body image, though. Ever since I was probably 8 or 9, I remember beginning to hate myself. Throughout my teen years that hate grew more and more intense until it fabricated into a mental illness that I still live with today. Nowadays, though, I am much more comfortable in my own skin, and I can honestly say that I love myself. Now comes the tricky part; What is wrong with me? I have tried dating so many people. I'm a romantic at heart, and I always try to take things slow, you know; but guys are always wanting to rush into sex. I am not one for hooking up, and I never have been, but I feel like I keep getting used. I'll date a guy for a few months until I'm comfortable having sex with him, and then all of a sudden after he hits it, he quits it. I am so sick of it. I've tried everything; dating sites, meeting through friends, even getting guys' numbers at work and it's all the same. I can't find a decent guy, so I began thinking; maybe it's me? Is there something wrong with wanting a relationship that is based on more than just sex? And honestly, I don't judge guys who are into the whole hookup seen, like hey, whatever makes you happy; but I am so sick of being used by gay men, that I'm beginning to doubt whether or not we're capable of that type of love that is often shared between men and women. I live in a very small town hours away from any large cities, so I have very limited resources, and I can't really move away. Is it even worth it to try anymore?
Short answer: no, there's nothing wrong with wanting a relationship based on more than sex. And yes, it is worth it to keep trying. Longer answer: as counter-intuitive as it may seem, maybe it's time to take a break from dating for a while. It sounds like you've been putting a lot of effort into it, which is great of course. But, if you're noticing a pattern of things not working out the way you want, it could help to take some time to yourself, step back, and think about where you are in life and what you want out of life and/or a relationship. Which is not to suggest that you don't know - but, if you focus on other things for a bit, and find other areas of your life to enjoy for now, it's possible that you'll come back to the dating question with a fresher, more optimistic view.
I feel into the same trap. I became convinced that love between men was impossible and that they only wanted to have sex in the end. I ended up getting roped into that life and it hurt my soul.
