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Difficulty Finding Your Type In the Gay Male Community?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by trilldude23, Aug 17, 2015.

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  1. trilldude23

    trilldude23
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    Hey guys! I'm new here! First of all, let me just say I love ALL of my fellow gay brethren and sistren!! "Feminine", "masculine", it don't matta lol! Straight people will never know how lonely being gay can be and I never want to be one of those gay people who seeks to further divide the gay community. With that being said, I never seem to find any of the gay men I meet in person or see on dating apps (god help me) attractive. If I wanted to, I could date, but I just don't like the gay men that I do know (I only have one gay friend and we ain't extremely close). Some gay guys have shown interest in me but I'm just not attracted to them. It makes me feel like such an awful person because I complain about not meeting guys then when some are interested... I'm just not. Not because they are gay but because they are never my types. The worst part about being gay is that within the ridiculously small pool you only have limited personalities and types to choose from, in my opinion at least. Thoughts?????
     
    #1 trilldude23, Aug 17, 2015
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  2. rudysteiner

    rudysteiner
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    Welcome to EC!

    I don't use dating apps personally, but a lot of people on here, me included, know what you're talking about when you say you have difficulty finding your type. Hopefully you should be able to find a person you'll be able to connect with eventually.

    To be perfectly honest, although I don't want to take it any further with him at this stage (or possibly ever), I think I have found someone I can connect with, who intellectually is my type in almost every way. He thinks it's outrageous that I'm a Royalist.

    What I learned when I joined here, though, about two weeks ago, is that there is soooo many more LGBTQ+ than you will realise. Out in the real world, there are your feminine guys, your masculine guys, and your guys that are just nonchalant about the whole thing. There is people in the community that have only just realised that they're gay, or they might not even know it yet, and you never know, it could be one of those guys that you realise you're comfortable with and happy with.

    I hope you enjoy using the forum!
     
    #2 rudysteiner, Aug 17, 2015
  3. trilldude23

    trilldude23
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    Thanks man! Yea there are many gay and bi people out there. Its just hard finding your type ya know? We just have to dig a lot harder to find who we like. I think that as time progresses dating for lgbtq people will get easier as more people will come out of the closet. I think once we dismantle heterosexual patriarchy things will get a lot better... but until then lol. And even just being on this site has taught me that there is a wider variety of guys out there than I thought. Thanks for your response!
     
    #3 trilldude23, Aug 17, 2015
  4. wannahavechange

    wannahavechange
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    I feel your pain... I seem to attract old ladies and girls.. and when a guy does look my way... they think I'm a top \(T^T)/.. I know what you mean though. My type, I don't think is here. Well I guess where I live anyway.. but tht kind of small minded of me.. I don't know. :-(
     
    #4 wannahavechange, Aug 17, 2015
  5. angeluscrzy

    angeluscrzy
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    I have browsed some of the hook up apps, only to look and always end up wondering if I'm just being too picky because I seldom ever see anyone that peaks my interests. And while I know a lot of them could be absolute sweethearts, I still want to find them visually appealing. God I feel like I just sound so horrible even writing that......
     
    #5 angeluscrzy, Aug 17, 2015
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  6. jonjon

    jonjon
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    I agree completely. I'm the same way. I've even got that one gay friend, and we aren't close either. *sigh*

    I personally am attracted to straight men. At least that's what I've noticed. It's my curse. I know I'm not the only one. And I'm well aware that I'm never going to date a straight man, but that's what catches my eye. And my heart sometimes :confused:. Basically, the qualities I find most attractive in a guy, I find most often in straight men. At least in certain male friends I that have. *sighLVL2*

    So on the good side, we've narrowed down the qualities we enjoy most in someone, and we know what we like. On bad side, we've tapered our list of options a bit. Or a lot. haha. Good luck to us all.
     
    #6 jonjon, Aug 17, 2015
  7. trilldude23

    trilldude23
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    Omg you sound just like me lol!! And I always feel awful feeling this way because I always feel like, "who the hell do you think you are?" But I find it interesting that straight people seldom apologize for their standards even if they are cruel and/or absurdly high. I often feel like we LGBTQ people feel ashamed for having and communicating our types, and feel that because we are sexual minorities we should be grateful for whatever attention we do get. The LGBTQ people I have heard communicate their romantic interests or types express their desires sincerely and sometimes apologetically. While so many heterosexuals smugly declare their types as if they are Zeus or the Queen of Sheba. We are entitled to our tastes, ya know? We're human

    ---------- Post added 17th Aug 2015 at 06:01 PM ----------
    I agree completely. I f:***:g hate falling for straight guys! Well, at least we're not alone(!)
     
    #7 trilldude23, Aug 17, 2015
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  8. mangotree

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    You have to believe that anything is possible.
    As long as you are stuck in a state of 'have not', the cycle will continue.
     
    #8 mangotree, Aug 17, 2015
  9. OGS

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    I totally agree with this. Confidence and optimism are incredibly attractive to most people and, well they're also just a more fun way to live. I remember back when I was single I was quite the social butterfly--seriously I'd go out one way or another five, six nights a week and you know every night I was absolutely convinced that something amazing would happen. In retrospect it seems so... much. I mean who did I think I was. But you know what? Something amazing did happen... almost every night. There's a lot to be said for frame of mind.
     
    #9 OGS, Aug 17, 2015
  10. trilldude23

    trilldude23
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    Very true!
     
    #10 trilldude23, Aug 18, 2015
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