Thinking back to my whole experience with my sexuality, I think it's the gay community that kept me in the closet and more than likely still is. It's just that in a community where I thought I would find acceptance of who I am didn't really give me that. It felt more like a place for the stereotype to meet up at. I felt disconnected from the rest of them to the point where I don't even think we had being gay in common. Even among a group of gamers I didn't fit in for being more competitive then the rest of them. Going to the pride festivals just drove me deeper inside as I felt massively self conscious about my own body and felt inferior to everyone else. It just never seemed that I was "enough" to fit in with these people whom I'm supposed to have a kinship with. I tried to change myself to fit in but it felt fake and forced, I didn't like it. I thought it was supposed to be about being accepted for who you are, but it just seemed to me that only applies if you behave like them. My experience with the community just drove me deeper into my shell.
I'm sorry you feel that way, from my own experiences it's not always like that. What I can say is just because of your sexuality doesn't mean people are suppose to like you or not like you. And I'm not saying people shouldn't respect each other for who they are. I'm saying just because of someone's sexuality doesn't mean every straight, gay, trans etc, person is gonna be your friend. You can't force a friendship or expect someone to like you because you like the same thing. The world isn't that simplistic.There are plenty of gay and straight people who I knew that I wasn't to fond of and I know their where people who were not fond of me. But it had nothing to do with sexuality. In some cases maybe, but then you move on from that person or group. Everyone is different which means the answer is not gonna be black or white. What little I can say and this will probably sound platitudinous, but finding people who share your interests, morals & values, points of reference, etc, can be a place where you can start friendships and feel more yourself. Keeping in mind to not give up or make official conclusions on groups and communities because it doesn't always pan out the way you thought it would. There is always going to be a group of people and friends who will like you for who you are even if it seems impossible sometimes.
Sadly that will never be the case because I am just not "enough of" for any group. I feel like some amorphous being, never belonging anywhere and feeling like the odd man out all the time. Also for the record, such things have panned it the way I thought they would. I hope to be proven wrong but that has yet to happen.
I don’t’ want to bore you with looking at the bright side of every situation, you know looking at the glass half full. But sometimes you have to think that, but I hear yea, I’ve felt the same way and still do at times. Feeling like no matter where you go and who you meet no one seems to get you and even if they do you may not get them. You’re on EC, so in a way you kind of have a place you like to be whether you feel like people understand you or not. I can’t change you’re mindset, but you seem to have hope, that things will change someday. I wish nothing but the best for you.
