Hi everyone. I think I'm a sex addict. I have gone thru a lot and need online advice. Im male with a 6 years relationship. My partner doesn't know I have this problem and is killing me that he finds out. I found another forum in another page that tells my story and it hit me. Someone out there that will help?
Hi, In order to help, we'll need to know more about your situation. -- What behaviors are happening that you see as problematic? -- What is the frequency of those behaviors? -- How have the behaviors negatively impacted you? -- What happens when you try to curtail the behaviors? If you can provide more detail along the above lines it will be easier to give you meaningful assistance.
I would just like to add to this whether the OP has any pre-existing mental condition? such as Bipolar Disorder, any other mood disorders, etc. Because these things also play a factor to "sex addiction" more properly called hypersexuality.
Hi, thanks for your answers. Since I was 10 I had my first gay experience. 2 older neighbours used to touch me and I remember i thought it was fine. Over the years it went to blows but never penetrated. They were 4 years older than me. When I was about 19 I had my first boyfriend, I find out that he was going out with 4 guys at the same time, and I was one of them. At that time I used to go to the gym daily and was muscular. After I found out I contacted one of this other whom i dated for 6 months and cheated twice. I really didn't love him, just wanted to have revenge, but i felt terrible after doing it but while doing it it was really fun. After this I started cruising all over the city for guys, pick them up at clubs, websites, apps, college classes, hooking up with gay friends, etc. Then I found cross paths with one. We have been boyfriends for 6 years now. At early years I found out he cheated on me (about 5 times). We broke up but always came back together. I don't think he knows I am a sex addict. It all starts when im sad or with stress and i go to porn websites, Skype with my long contact list and ****** during the day. Then I found someone that is willing to make whatever I want and start planning the meet up. The adrenaline during each stage goes up. Lately (last 5 months), it all stops here, i JO for about 4 hours (last week i JO for 12 hours) and get back to "normal". Before, I would cruise for the guys, get drunk and take almost anyone to bed. I had sex on almost every place you can imagine, the woods, the car, while driving, the airport, etc. When I am away from home I cruise in the car with the app on looking for the closer guy that will make me a blow. I know, im messed up. They guilt always comes after the orgasm and if Im with someone i want to get away as fast as I can. A couple of friends (who I also had sex with) knows about all of this encounters (not the way i search for them) and it seems that knowing it makes me more desirable to them, like if I was a awesome guy because i do this . For the last 3 years i stop going to the gym, I quit my great paying job and found a less stressful one. I feel like this addiction has slow me down professionally. Sorry for the long response, i just want to be as accurate as i can. Please let me know your questions / comments.
Thanks for sharing that intimate part of yourself. It has given me better insight into the matter. I see two factors here which contributed to your hypersexuality... (1) Sexual Abuse (2) Traumatic first relationship Let's address the first. You mentioned that it all starts when you are stressed. Sexual Abuse can have many long term effects. One including Anxiety Disorders. To alleviate this anxiety you go into self medicating albeit harmful cycle of hypersexuality. The sex alleviates the anxiety, but once stress comes into play again the only way to relieve it is through sex, it becomes a vicious cycle. It goes hand in hand with your sadness. As a victim you try to get into grips with your emotions and feelings. And the way you do this is by controlling that one aspect of your life that you didn't have control with as a child during your abuse... your sexuality. So it manifests itself by imposing on yourself that I am in control now and I will have sex when I want, when I want. Nobody can tell me otherwise. Having been violated repeatedly somehow conditioned you that sex is not about love; it is about being used and to be treated as an object. It has become easy for you to fall into hypersexuality. Sex no longer holds value. You were used, now you use others. Why do you cheat? Sexual abuse damaged your sense of sexuality, it messes with your sense intimacy. The aftermath of which is difficulty in fostering and maintaining healthy adult relationships. Their is a sense for need for mote intimacy albeit short lived ones from your partner. The second factor the traumatic first relationship just served to reinforce your subconscious feelings. Again you were used, so intern you also used another person. The part of the vicious cycle. It just added to your already messed up sense of intimacy. He found it necessary to have 4 intimate partners? Now I'll have a number of partners, seeking short lived connections, intimacy. You see how it lends itself into this cycle of self destruction? You mentioned that it has taken detrimental effects in your life. Don't let it take hold of you anymore. Help yourself. We here on EC can only say so much. I have given you some insight however as much as I would want to I cannot offer you my advice on treatment by principle. No one's advice here on EC is a substitute for the help and treatment a competent and licensed Psychiatrist can offer your. Seek their help, they can offer you various modalities as to your therapy and treatment. They can help you better address and get to the root of all these emotions. I hope that I have helped even in the simplest of ways. I hope that everything goes well for you from this point.
thanks Blue Bunny, I had the same thoughts about the first relationship... but never knew that the sexual abuse damage me a lot. To a point i thought I became gay because of this event... idk. What you are saying is that i should go to a Psychiatrist? Will he be able to help me? Thanks for your answer, it really help.
Yes I believe so. The key is to be 100% truthful to you Psychiatrist. Hard as it may, you feel open and vulnerable in the process, but you have to tell him/her everything and pour your heart out. Psychiatrists base their treatment as to the symptoms we exhibit, the emotions/mood we feel and our actions as a result thereof. I believe a Psychiatrist can help you through therapy. He/she can help you get to the root and into grips with what you are truly feeling. He/she can offer you various other coping mechanisms you can do when met with stress or sadness, other than giving in to your hypersexuality. It was my pleasure to help.
