Anyone else feel like accepting their gay more about life than sexuality?

I feel like right now that Once I am openly and accepted as being gay that I will be raw, exposed and the fairytale world I live in will be over.

Before, Ive always felt like the reason im depressed and felt different is because I was leading up to something (waiting to grow up? and become a confident adult) and once I get there that I will be able to go out and meet girls and have girlfriends then eventually a wife and family. But now its like... life has become so much more REAL. The thought of moving out is scary. Moving in with a girl seems like a scary but great thing to do. Moving in with a guy seems so dumb and pointless. Like we are just coasting until death. Without a women Ill never have a true family unit and so anything I do up until death will be just to keep me happpy.

I dont know, i just feel like coming out is not about sexuality - but more about coming to terms with life as a whole and understanding that I follow my sexuality to find a partner... which then means moving out, getting a house, mortgage, having someone I can trust and finding that person to grow old with. It just feels so much more real and scary

Im 21 and I should of been thinking about this stuff in school - but it went over my head becuase I was still hung up on trying to talk to girls and that was it really. Now I understand that everyne else worked out that stuff in year 7/8 and then by year 10/11 they was ready to start thinking about growing up and what lives to live. Ive literally JUST started seriosuly thinking about it. Ive always known this stuff was coming - but it always felt less stressful.