Falling for my "Straight" friend (not your average story)

Hello all, I'm in desperate need of advice...and I just need someone to talk to. I'll try to keep it as brief as possible...There are a lot of holes in the story because this takes place over a course of a year.

I'm bi, but I've never dated a guy. I've had a few girlfriends, but the attractions were mostly sexual. Last summer I met this guy at work. Something happened at hello, I felt a special energy. The feeling was indescribable. My boss paired us up and I was a nervous wreck. I was blown away by the whole experience...mostly the way my body reacted (the shaking, etc).

Weeks went by and my feelings grew more intense as we became close friends. I ruled out lust and infatuation during this period. You all might not believe me, but I never had a sexual thought about him during that time. This was powerful. I knew I had to do something...but I considered myself a "man's man" and I didn't want to look like a wimp. But for the first time I decided to follow my heart, so I told him I felt a special "deja vu-like" chemistry with him. And to my surprise he said he felt the same way about me. I just melted.

As the months went on, we hung out a few times and we talked often - about girls, sports, science, etc. And of course, my feelings kept growing. It got to the point where I couldn't take it any longer. My intuition was telling me he was feeling me - the positive body language was there, sometimes he would blush when he smiled at me. The signs were there, so I decided to take a leap of faith. I wanted him to be the first person who knew I was bi.

So there I was, a nervous wreck yet again...bracing myself for ridicule and rejection. I told him I was bi. He treated it as if I told him I was going to check the mail. I was totally shocked and relieved that he was cool with it. He didn't treat me any differently afterwards. Well, one night I invited him over to drink. He had prior plans and couldn't come, but something happened while we were texting. He told me nothing was going to stop him from getting what he wanted. Deep down I knew what he meant (or I thought I knew). I told him to go get it, and he asked me how did he know if it was real. I told him to follow his heart and he told me he felt my emotions. I was literally weak. That moment was beautiful. But I think he panicked, he asked me what was I doing. I told him there was nothing to be afraid of, and that was the end of the convo. I reached out to him the next day and he told me he wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk about it. I asked him about it the day after and he said he didn't remember that convo...after a screen shot he said he was only joking. So I left it at that. I saw him a few days later and it wasn't awkward, it was like nothing ever happened. We had a convo about spirituality and he told me he recently had a moment where he felt like all of the stars aligned and everything seemed to be in perfect harmony. I asked when did this happen...and it was the night we texted. (I don't think he knew what I was digging for)

Weeks later, I was stuck in the same miserable boat. I was looking at this VERY handsome man thinking this guy fits me like a glove. His insecurities and flaws seemed to work in favor of my strengths and my personality. It was like we were made for each other. With him I felt like I could conquer the world. I couldn't take it, I told him how I felt about him and then I apologized if I offended him. He didn't reply. But the next day he smiled at me and told me he read my text. Then he replied with something a long the lines of "it's all good". Like before, he treated me no differently. We ended up having a very brief sit down conversation about sexuality a few weeks later. He told me he believes everyone's soul is the same. He also said he has trust issues, and he closes everyone out. That night I sent him another message (I just couldn't contain myself) and I told him I couldn't stop thinking about him. He laughed and said stopped being a sap.

He never admitted to any feelings for me, nor did he ever shoot me down. Keep in mind he isn't feminine at all...he's def. a "guy's guy" like me. I just want him to open up to me and tell me either way. Do you guys think he's suppressing his feelings because of his trust issues? I've given him a million reasons to trust me, after all he's the only one who knows about my sexuality. Or do you guys just think he isn't into me? It's been a few months and he still hasn't made a move yet.

 

Thanks for the feedback! I'm trying to figure out where to go from here...he knows how I feel about him. I guess I don't want to be pushy. I really don't know what else I can do to gain his trust.

---------- Post added 23rd Aug 2015 at 06:54 PM ----------

We've never hugged before, but he does hold eye contact. We usually greet and say goodbye with handshakes - which is super awkward because we both know we're way past handshakes.