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Is he actually interested in me?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by andimon, Aug 20, 2015.

  1. andimon

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    There's this boy who I've met online back in April. Since I have the tendency to share and come out to almost everybody online I confessed to him too. He was fully supportive and even said he was bisexual. We kept contact ever since and spent like dozens of hours "together". We eventually got into some kind of close friendship until the point where he was interested in me.

    He recently told me he isn't into men and that I'm the only guy he is attracted to. Tonight I came up with the hypothesis that he's rather fond of my personality and that he wouldn't feel the same if we were face to face (we live in different cities). He didn't say anything and I'm honestly not going to push him. In various occasions he told me he loved me but I always contested his virtual affection.

    I'm not having any strong feelings towards him, but he's the first guy that showed interest in me. I'd be open for a relationship with him anytime if we were living in the same city (in his city happens to be one of my university options, so I'd move straight in after graduation, which is in two years).

    What I'm asking is, is a future with this guy worth dreaming about? What I asked him tonight was a crucial question, which he felt like ignoring. What should I be doing next?

    I want to add that he seems to be more than I've ever dreamed of.
     
  2. Phioo

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    Hell no.
    He said that he's attracted ONLY to you, so that probably means he's just in a weird phase.
    Then you say that you're not so interested in him.
    He doesn't give shit, YOU don't give a shit.
    Just be friends.
     
  3. Umami

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    I would say go with the flow and see where things lead. I met someone online and felt like she was more than I've ever dreamed of as well. She was my first love. Although things didn't work out (in part because of distance), I don't regret having the relationship. The happy, loving moments we had are moments I will most likely cherish forever. I am very happy to have had that experience (it helped me to confirm my sexuality!). That relationship felt more real than any relationship I'd had with anyone else despite it being online. We are also still good friends to this day. Just sharing my own experience with that.
     
  4. andimon

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    We just talked and I thought I'd share this with you, guys. He made it clear that he likes me in any possible way, but I'm simply the only non-female person he is (currently) attracted to. He was so sweet in his explanation and I really like him even more now. I'm totally going to keep in contact with him (we actually play an online game together, so that's super easy). Thanks for your answers, guys! (*hug*)
     
  5. Monraffe

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    Whenever you meet someone that you feel special about, something changes inside of you. You may not be fully aware of the change because in the moment it feels so good and everything is going so great. He becomes more than you ever dreamed of, as you say. But there is this voice in the back of your head that says, "How is all of this even possible?" So you get on empty closets and ask your friends for a reality check. I think you already have the answer, you just want someone to spell it out for you. :wink:

    Love soars early. It tells you to go after this guy. It's half right and half wrong. It's half right because there really is something special about him and half wrong because you changed the definition of "special" to match him. You have been looking for a guy that fits your mold and when someone comes along that is close, *poof*, you changed the mold to fit the guy! It's half reality and half illusion.

    So, is he worth dreaming about? Well that depends on what happens when the illusion part goes away. Sometimes the reality part is strong enough to keep going. But in this case, I see a couple of problems. First, he has indicated he has issues with sexuality. This makes me think from his perspective this whole thing is an experiment. Yes, I'm saying I think he may be using you. Second, online only is high on illusion and low on reality. So the 50/50 illusion/reality thing I was talking about is probably more like 60/40.

    I don't want to advise you to dump the guy but be very careful and don't make life changing decisions around him at this stage. I know young people don't like it when old people say this but you are very young and you have a lot of exploring to do. Don't sell yourself short by thinking you won't get another chance at love. That's ridiculous. Keep in touch with your friend but until you get to know each other better, keep your options open also.
     
  6. andimon

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    When we met his argument for being bisexual was an incident that happened on a mountain trip. He claimed to have gotten really close & touchy to one of his fellows. Last night I requested some (juicy) details and it turned out that they had actually had sex (I was unexpectedly jealous :lol:slight_smile:. So yeah, he's not (only) homoromantic as I had suspected.

    Options open? I don't see how I could get another option. I think there's a max of 3 openly gay students (I really don't think I should be looking for people much older than me) in my city, none of them being in my high school. If there was an option I would have seized it long ago. :icon_bigg
     
    #6 andimon, Aug 22, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2015
  7. Monraffe

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    Come on, you are in high school. The path in front of you goes much farther than you can see. You will eventual have many other options.