My current girlfriend of just over a month hasn't told her family that she is a lesbian, and the only reason people at school knows is because last year she dated another girl who told people. They consequently became the topic of conversation for a few weeks, but they were not prejudiced - everyone got used to the idea and thought nothing of it, leaving the couple alone. They broke up after about half a year, and now that I'm with her she says she doesn't want to tell people about us. It's not because she's in the closet because everyone knows she's dated another girl - she says she just hates being the centre of attention. This is upsetting for me because I feel like she's embarrassed to be with me (even though I know it's not the case). I can't touch her at school, I can't touch her at her house, and I can't tell her how I feel unless we are alone or at mine. It feels like we're just friends until we are alone or behind closed doors. Is it wrong of me to want to tell people about her? A few weeks of discomfort for her isn't fair, but neither is an entire relationship of secrecy for me.
I don't think it's fair to have to hide a relationship. If you're with someone, surely you'd want the whole world to know that you've found someone that makes you happy, not so? Why not bring this up with her? Tell her that it hurts you to have to hide it, and even though you know it's not true, you feel like she's embarrassed to be with you. That's the only thing I can think of. I hope you can find common grounds with this. Good luck! (*hug*) (And :welcome: to EC!)
Thank you, I have tried bringing it up but it's a touchy subject for the both of us. She says that I need to be patient and wait for people to find out on their own because we all know it's inevitable....I completely disagree with this philosophy
Have you talked to her about a compromise? She says she doesn't want to tell anyone and wants to let people find out on their own. Perhaps you could suggest something simple, like holding hands at school. I'm wondering if maybe there's something more going on here. Like those few weeks of being the center of gossip took a bigger toll on her than you realize. Especially because, as you said, people only know because she dated a girl who told people. Unless that was done with her permission, she's never been given a choice in coming out.
She seems uncomfortable with public displays of affection, which I understand to an extent. Holding hands, while not on mine, is on her list of things considered too PDA-ish.. When I asked, she said if I was a boy she would happily hold my hand in public
