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Getting over intimacy anxiety

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by justin88, Aug 27, 2015.

  1. justin88

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    Alright, I don't talk about it much but this has been bothering me for over a decade. I'm on a tablet so I'll keep this short and try not to babble too much.

    When I was 13 years old I was sexually abused by 5 older kids after gym class. I ultimately turned into an alcoholic and pain killer addict by the age of 14. I obviously got counseling, everything seemed to be fine. I finished college and got a few good relationships

    A few years ago, I started having intimacy issues, not just sexually but don't like being touched at all. I won't even let family members and friends hug me, I'm in therapy and taking anti anxiety/depression meds. None seem to be affective anymore, I have to idea what to do. I feel totally lost :frowning2: this post seems more like a rant then anything else but whatever. :help:
     
  2. Blue787Bunny

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    Sexual abuse damaged your sense of sexuality, it messes with your sense intimacy. The aftermath of which is difficulty in fostering and maintaining healthy adult relationships. Their is a sense for need for more intimacy albeit short lived ones from your partner or the complete opposite you have the need to abstain from any form of intimacy. As you said some victims even go to the extent of aversion to touch especially by the same gender as the perpetrator.

    It goes hand in hand with your sadness/depression. As a victim you try to get into grips with your emotions and feelings. And the way you do this is by controlling that one aspect of your life that you didn't have control with as a child during your abuse... your sexuality. So it manifests itself by imposing on yourself that I am in control now and I decide if and when someone touches me. Nobody can tell me otherwise. Having been violated repeatedly somehow conditioned you that intimacy is not about love; it is about being used and to be treated as an object. Intimacy no longer holds value.

    Sexual Abuse can have many long term effects. One including Anxiety Disorders. To alleviate this anxiety you go into self medicating albeit harmful cycle of alcohol abuse, substance abuse and/or hypersexuality. In your case the alcohol and drugs alleviates the anxiety, but once stress comes into play again the only way to relieve it is through further use of alcohol and drugs, it becomes a vicious cycle.
     
  3. justin88

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    Wow, you seem very knowledgeable on the issue at hand and mental illness in general!
     
    #3 justin88, Aug 27, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2015
  4. timetraveltea

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    I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling.

    I did some EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) in therapy for a traumatic event. I don't know if you've heard of it (it seems to be gaining popularity but isn't really traditional, I suppose). Overall, its purpose is to help your brain reprocess trauma so it's not just floating around your head, causing you pain. The eye movements are supposed to help your brain reprocess, thus it is different than talk therapy.

    I found it helpful; it helped me reprocess the memories so they don't affect me as much as they used to in my daily life.

    They say EMDR works faster than talk therapy, and it did help me a lot. I'm glad I did it. It's not for everyone, though; it can be quite intense. But since things are bothering you anyways, it can be worth trying EMDR.

    (Sorry if any of this is vague. I didn't want to drop a giant wall of text.)
     
  5. justin88

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    I'll definitely look into it timetraveltea. I'm willing to try anything at this point, thank you very much for your input.