Things Wrong for No Reason

Can I ask why you do not trust doctor? Why you do not believe they can diagnose an illness? Medical Doctors are not run of the mill products of universities who churn out students by the thousands per course. Medical Doctors are highly specialized in their fields for a reason. They not only took the requisite 4-5 year undergraduate course which may have already given them exposure to the medical field as previous Nurses, Medical Technologists, Pulmonary Technologists, Physical Therapists, Psychologists, etc. But then they had to go to Medical School for another 5 years studying how the Human body Works per nucleic acid, per element, per protein-carbohydrate-fat, per cell, per tissue, per organ, per system in your body. As well as how one single kink on that chain can cause a disease. Then you have to go through another 4-5 years of Residency, followed by more years for Consultancy, Fellowship and Diplomate.

If you don't trust doctors you can try looking for some other professional who has devoted their lives just finding ways of providing care for their patients.

I am one of those who toiled through years, from studying BSN to studying in Medical School.

That aside I would like to give you some insight. Bipolar Disorder is a life time illness. There is no cure for Bipolar Disorder. The medications that were prescribed to you aim to stabilize your mood so that you can proceed with life not going through all those ups and downs. However despite medication those ups (mania) and downs (depression) will not truly disappear 100%. Yes they will still recur every now and then but the aim of treatment is to expand your euthymia or period of normal mood in between those episodes. Mental illness takes years to treat and as I said in your case being bipolar it'll be a lifetime. When it comes to Mental Illness there is no one treatment that can apply to all patients in one disorder. This is because every patient is unique in his/her own way. The neurotransmitter (chemical substances in the brain) which is imbalanced in one patient may be different in another patient. This is why there is a wide array of medications available for a Bipolar Patient such as Antipsychotics, Mood Stabilizers, Antiepileptics, Anxiolytics, etc as well as various forms of therapy such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There is no "special mix" that applies to all. Different medications, different dosages, different combinations would have to be gone through until one suited to you is found.

The reason we see a Psychiatrist or a Doctor who is not part of our personal lives. Well at least I assume that's why you don't trust him/her enough to tell everything. Is because we can freely express ourselves without repercussions in our personal lives. Having a "stranger" to talk to, you can say everything, you can tell all your deepest darkest secrets, you can tell all your issues and angst. But the moment you leave the room, you leave everything there. The Doctor isn't gonna follow you home and tell everyone what you told him/her. He or she isn't gonna tell you mom that you said you hated her (as an example).

Now imagine having your mom, dad, brother, sister, uncle, aunt or cousins as a Psychiatrist. The moment you leave that room he or she brings that information home with him/her. She or he brings it when she/he visits you house, talks to your parent, or anyone in your life. He or she now knows the darkest secrets of your family. Knowing your issues and knowing the person you have issues with. He or she is now tempted to step in and tell what you told him or her. Imagine that scenario playing out all day everyday, during visits, during church, during family holidays.

There is always a reason for everything. We must not be quick to judge.

In saying that I hope you do seek help. I hope you do get better.

 

As someone "suffering" from bipolar disorder, I can relate to how you're feeling regarding therapy and medications. It took me a long time to accept that there's something wrong with me. After many trials and errors, I am now finally on the right dosage and correct combination of medications to keep my moods more stable. I still get mania and depression symptoms and during a manic phase, I get the aggression part ALONG with the euphoria/feelings of being indestructible and untouchable.

It's dangerous for you to go without medication and therapy. I know it's not easy to accept that there's a problem. And I understand that you don't like the idea of having to take pills. In all honesty, I HATE that I have to rely on a stupid pill just to be normal-ish. But I've been medicated since 2010, when I finally got diagnosed correctly. That's after having been to numerous child psychologists growing up, and being misdiagnosed with PTSD (Because my grandmother, who I was very close to, passed away suddenly). As an adult, I knew there was something serious going on with me, and I sought help again. Finally got referred to a psychiatrist, who then diagnosed me with bipolar disorder.

I've also spent time in a mental health clinic, so I know what that's like too. All I can tell you is that you can't just ignore it because it won't go away. As Blue787Bunny said, it's a life-long condition, and they can treat the symptoms, but it can't be cured. I know it's hard to accept that there's something "wrong" with you, but I'm happy to read that you are planning on seeking professional help again. I applaud you for that :eusa_clap

You will eventually also reach a point in life where you accept that part of yourself, and can only move forward from there on. Good luck with the process of getting on the right dosages and combination of medication. At the end of the day, you know that you can't do this on your own, and that's great. Thank you for caring so much about your own wellbeing to seek treatment (*hug*)