Can any of you give me quick tips on how to: • deal with anxiety during a social situation • deal with anxiety after a social situation (ex. playing over events in my head, thinking stuff like "why did I say/do that?", etc.) • deal with anxiety when I'm just alone with my thoughts I'm just really frustrated because I have trouble trying to control my anxiety. Any tips or calming techniques or whatever would be appreciated.
It's good that you know you have anxiety. That's the first step. It's a huge problem for women and for me. I 'm a gay man and I'm like a women in my sexual role. I saw a doctor and she gave me drugs. I couldn't orgasm after I started the drugs and stopped taking them. It's a big problem and I often wish I was dead so the problem would go away. I deal with it by drinking lots of alcohol. That's bad. Just don't ignore it. You must accept that you have it. A good and healthy way to deal with it is to find people you care about and do things that aren't self-destructive. Watch TV. Take a walk in the mall.
I can definitely relate. I'm currently having an anxiety attack over an impending phone call that I need to make. In the moment, try to remind yourself that most people are more concerned with their own lives than they are with yours. Social anxiety often stems from the idea that other people are watching and judging us. This is rarely true and if anyone is judging you, that's more of a reflection on them than it is on you. Afterward (this also works in the moment, although counting is hard if you need to pay attention to someone), try deep breathing. Concentrating on counting can give your mind something else to focus on. Some people find that daily meditation helps to calm their body and organize their thoughts. I've never managed to have the discipline to set aside time every day. Personally, I prefer writing in a journal. I find that getting all my thoughts and feelings and what happened in a given situation onto paper helps to get the thoughts out of my head. (If you're concerned about someone finding a paper journal, consider a password-locked file on your computer.) Venting to an understanding friend can also help. Another option is to listen to music to block things out and relax. If you have access to counseling services, you may want to consider giving them a try. It can be nice to have an impartial person to talk to, especially someone who can offer both support and advice. I strongly believe that drugs are a personal decision, but I have to add that not all of them cause sexual side effects and it can take a lot of trial-and-error to find the one that works best for you. These are all just suggestions. Try not to feel frustrated if none of them work for you. Everyone's different and you just have to find the method that works best for you. I also have to say, vamonos, that while anxiety is more prevalent in women, men are still capable of having anxiety disorders and in no way does it make them any less of a man.
When I was seeing a doctor who specializes in anxiety, all her other patients I saw were women. I had a female friend who had terrible anxiety. She successfully treated it with weed. She smoked it daily. Sexually, I assume the female role. I enjoy it more than anything else. Am I less of a man? Well, yes I am. It's important in finding men who will dominate me and use me sexually. Being less of a man is something I work hard at.
This is not much advice per say; I might drop back in later. But one thing that helps me is sitting or lying down in a relaxed position and watching/listening to some imagery. This site is great: calm.com
I suffered from Anxiety for most of my life so I can totally relate to you! My anxiety got so severe that I couldnt leave the house anymore.... I tried everything. Meditation, relax peacefully in a quiet room, distractions such as TV and books... Nothing worked in my case. I eventually went to my doctor and talked to him about it! He put me on a small dose of anti anxiety medication and it helped me tremendously! Maybe it's something you could look into?
Hi I would like to share to you some simple actions you can do when met with anxiety. However in saying that my advice or the advice from anyone here on EC is not a substitute for the advice and treatment that a competent and licensed Psychiatrist can accord you. I am one with the other here who have advised you to seek therapy. First of all it is good that you recognize the times when you do get anxiety--- during and after social situations, and when your alone with your thoughts. Know the second important thing to do is to recognize when the behavior actually begins. Let's say when your having a conversation and your mind is slowly drifting off and pointing out things that might go wrong, etc. The human brain is pre-wired to focus on the negative aspect of things, specially those that hurts us. What I want you to do is when these negative thoughts brought on by anxiety set-in quickly refocus your thoughts on the positive. Do not entertain the negative thoughts, and the accompanying negative emotions. Quickly arrest it and counter with a positive thought. Cultivate that positive thought, cultivate that positive emotion. As an example--- you are in a social situation a party let's say. You suddenly get the feeling that everyone is watching you, judging you, all eyes are on you. Stop, breath, collect yourself. Arrest the though and quickly refocus on the positive things happening around you. Instead let's say focus on the music, focus on the dancing, focus on whatever happy stuff is happening around you. Cultivate the positive emotion. Eventually this will teach and and re-wire your brain to focus on the positive and thus elicit positive emotions. Now after the event or social situation, you can debrief yourself. You can play it in your head but I think taking a notebook and writing down all your issues, worries, thoughts, etc is most useful. Here you can now address all of them and reason to yourself how this worries and thoughts are unrealistic or outright non-existent. You do not have to do this all at once, you can take one issue at a time and address it, as addressing all of these at one time may prove overwhelming. As an example--- you just came back from the above mentioned event. You now right down your thoughts. (1) I am so awkward and weird, people were constantly judging me, even my friends judge me. Now redirect that negative thought into a positive more realistic assessment of what you have gone through. Write down--- If I'm am so awkward and weird then why do my friends still go out with me? Why do they still invite me to events/socialize? Why were the people in the party nice to me? It must mean that I am doing something right. I am NOT awkward, I am NOT weird. My friends and I were so happy. I am happy. Eventually this will teach and and re-wire your brain to focus on the positive and thus elicit positive emotions. I know it is not easy, it takes time, a lot of practice and perseverance. You are teaching yourself a new skill so be patient. I do hope you get better.
