Im scared this might be it for me

I wish I had some advise for you but I don't really know of any other than try and be more active, but that's hard enough to do when it's hard to get motivated. I mostly just posted because I care even though I don't know you, and I wanted to give you a hug.
(*hug*)
I hope you're able to feel better soon.

 

I know that I can't be sure exactly what you are going through, but I have been through similar things in the past. I don't know if it is right for you, but if you can find someone to talk to that you trust, it can be really helpful. Is there any opportunity for seeing a therapist where the focus is more on figuring out your feelings and how to work through them?

For the immediate future, try doing things to distract yourself. Little things like reading a book, or drawing, or doing yoga, or playing video games, or going for a walk. Just anything to get some time away from your thoughts. I know this can be really hard when you are feeling down, but I really think it helps. I hope you are feeling better soon.

 

Hi I am glad you posted here so that we can offer you some advice. In saying that my advice or any advice from anyone here on EC is no substitute for that of the advice and treatment that a competent and licensed Psychiatrist can accord you.

What is good is that you know you have a problem, had been diagnosed and sought treatment. You had been prescribed Lexapro or Escitalopram which is an Antidepressant. You had mentioned that it had been successful initially but then your Depression and Anxiety creeped in once agin, only worse this time with actual Suicidal Thoughts. During this whole time had you been continuously seeing your Nurse Practitioner? Is he/she updated with your case? If your medication was unable to address your problems then there can be 2 recourse of action. One is to increase the dosage. Two is to explore other types of Antidepressants. The former would usually be the first course of action. And please do not lose heart take your medications. You mentioned that you've only started at the end of June. Please remember that there is no Magic Pill for Mental Disorders. There is not one treatment plan which applies to all. Each and every patient is unique and may react to different modes of treatment differently.

In saying that I have found some issues in your treatment. One is that you only seem to have taken the route of Medication as a treatment. Have you done counseling/therapy? With organic mental disorders medication and therapy must go hand in hand in order to give the best results. Here I would want you to exercise this. We call it Cognitive Behavioral Therapy--- First thing to do is to recognize the behavior, that is when your depressive and anxious thoughts are starting. Our Brain is pre-wired to focus on the negative aspect of things, specifically what hurts us. What I want you to do is the moment a negative emotion arises because of whatever situational trigger or if it just so happens spontaneously, quickly re-focus your mind on another thing, a positive thing. Do not entertain the negative thought playing through your mind and the accompanying negative emotions. Instead quickly redirect your focus on the good things around you, focus on whatever happy stuff is happening around you it may be music, the presence of family, friends, your beautiful house, etc. Cultivate the positive emotion. Eventually this will teach and and re-wire your brain to focus on the positive and thus elicit positive emotions. Perhaps you can address this to your Nurse Practitioner, if this isn't an area of expertise perhaps he/she can recommend or refer your to a Therapist.

It maybe important to note that some mental disorders are stress based. In saying that it means stress can trigger a recur of the episodes. Your introduction to work life may have acted as a stressor hence the recur of your Depression and Anxiety. Another thing if ever you do get a repeat of your suicidal thoughts please do call someone. Call a Suicide Hotline, call a friend or family who is willing to listen, it is important to establish a support system in these cases. We just do not know when that Suicidal Ideation can morph into Planning and Execution.

I would like to remind you to see your Nurse Practitioner once again. An update of your condition may help him/her suit the treatment for your needs. Or if you prove to be an escalating case, a referral to a competent and licensed Psychiatrist maybe needed.

 

Antidepressants often need adjustments. Both in dosage and in prescription. Tell your nurse about the suicidal feelings as soon as possible, as you may need to increase your dose. I'm also assuming there is therapy involved here, but if there's not, please try to seek a therapist out. Medication can only do so much.

N3e also brought up very good points about distraction. Even though doing things becomes near impossible in the grip of depression, you need to force yourself to do something. Anything. Watch a favorite TV show. Go for a walk. Take a relaxing bath. Come on here and post in the forum games. Find things low maintenance that you enjoy and do them. Even just printing out some coloring pages and coloring can be very calming. The worst thing you can do being depressed is to lay there and do nothing.

Also just adding that I'm also taking lexapro (as well as latuda for bipolar), and I have needed it adjusted a couple times. That's just the nature of psychiatric medication. Do take them as prescribed and do not deviate without consulting your doctor.

 

Finding a therapist can probably help you so much more than medication alone will. I cannot stress how important it is to also see a therapist if you are on medication. Until you can be seen by a therapist, don't be afraid to come on here and talk to people. About your anxiety and depression or otherwise. It's so important to keep in contact with people and keep yourself as busy as you can manage.