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Living in UK - victim of homophobia from neighbours, my landlord and the police

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Halfandhalf, Sep 4, 2015.

  1. Halfandhalf

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    This is the first time I have posted to a forum like this in my life, but I'm desperate for advice.

    I live in the UK, and signed up before I realised this might be mainly a US forum, but it does no harm to try. If there's anyone from the UK reading this, I hope they can help.

    This is my problem. I'm 62 and not 'out' to everyone, just mainly my friends (of whom I don't have many). Hence my username 'Halfandhalf'.

    I grew up in a Britain that was fiercely homophobic, with the result that I am still deeply reticent about my sexuality (though not at all ashamed). But 'out and proud' doesn't describe me: I'm quiet, shy, and very reluctant to reveal my sexuality. I'm also extremely isolated.

    To come to the point: I am experiencing homophobia from three sources: the residents of the housing complex where I live, the housing association that owns my property, and the police (West Mercia). With the residents, it is actual blatant homophobia: hateful remarks said within my hearing by people who don't care whether I hear them or not, plus 'the cold shoulder'. With the housing association, the homophobia began with the staff first flatly refusing to discuss the homophobic dimension to the antisocial behaviour I was experiencing, then gradually casting me as a troublemaker rather than the victim. I think this is a cynical way of saving themselves a lot of trouble: if a bunch of people living virtually under one roof decide to take against someone on the grounds of his sexuality, as has happened with me, and tensions mount more and more, the easiest thing is to try to get rid of the 'odd man out'. And that's what my HA is doing: it's claiming I'm guilty of breaching my tenancy, which I'm not, and threatening to evict me. And whenever one of the homophobic residents makes a false complaint (which is quite often) the HA pretends to believe them - I say 'pretends' because it knows what a quiet, peaceful person I am.

    The HA certainly will never be foolish enough to say to me, "We're evicting you because having gays like you around is too much of a problem", but it is definitely looking for other ways.

    But to cap it all (and this makes me more depressed than anything), when I took my problems to West Mercia Police, I came up against homophobia as well. I was telling a woman PC about the problems I was having with one resident, and to my surprise, when I said it all began when I revealed my sexuality to this woman, just in conversation, and that ever since, she had been making homophobic remarks about me and treating me with total disrespect, this officer actually said something like, "Well, she's as entitled to her beliefs as you or I and everyone else". And her manner immediately became icy, and totally unhelpful. Before then, I had never had anything but good service from West Mercia, but since then, very upsetting things have happened. The most recent is that someone who had assaulted me last year began to harass me. At one point, he said, "We don't like queers in [where I live]". I made a complaint to the police and a male PC came to see me. He was very helpful until I told him the one thing that marked this out as a homophobic incident. Then he couldn't have been less helpful. Then he started trying to bully me when I protested.

    I reported one incident to West Mercia's Professional Standard Department, and the report found against me. But worst of all, the report twisted so much of what had happened that I have reluctantly decided that 'police investigating police' will just result in a whitewash.

    As I say, what I've experienced from West Mercia Police has upset me most of all, because I swallowed all the publicity over the past two or three decades that has claimed the police have changed completely and that institutional homophobia has been eradicated. I thought that if you could show a crime had a homophobic element, that made it a hate crime, and the police took it especially seriously. But I've seen the opposite: as soon as this officer learned about the homophobic element in what had happened to me, he didn't want to know. And I've never had fair treatment from West Mercia since I in effect 'came out' to that woman PC several months ago.

    Recently a friend told me I should contact Stonewall. She really talked up the organisation, said they were very militant, and would 'fight my corner'. So I emailed Stonewall and told them my situation, and how desperate I was: how in just months I had turned from being almost teetotal to being borderline alcoholic, and how every day now is full of thoughts of taking my life - how only the thought of what my suicide would do to others stops me.

    I could not have been more disappointed. Stonewall just gave me the name of a solicitor - as if a 62 year old man on disability benefits can afford solicitors! And unbelievably, the message actually included the words, 'keep your chin up'. I just couldn't believe it, and emailed Stonewall to say how betrayed I felt. A couple of hours later I got a phone call from their publicity manager in which she apologised for the 'chin up' remark, but frankly, to me she was just worried Stonewall had given itself some bad publicity - she certainly didn't sound concerned about me. At one point, she even said, "Your housing association can't evict you for being gay". She'd totally missed the point of what I'd told Stonewall my HA was doing.

    So now I feel horribly alone. I feel Stonewall was my last chance.

    My big problem when it comes to getting help is that since my partner died back in 1992, I just quietly gave up having a sex life - he was that much to me. So it meant I just slipped out of any gay networks; now I literally don't know a single gay person. So now I'm the victim of homophobia, I just don't know what to do, whom to go to. I've looked up local gay sites, but they're mainly to do with dating and night-life: to read them, you'd think persecution of gays was a problem that had been completely solved and was now part of history. Well, I'm living it, and I don't know how much longer I can carry on.

    I'm not afraid to fight, but I don't know how to fight effectively - this is why I'm making this post. So perhaps I can end with a few questions:

    1) If, as I'm increasingly suspecting, homophobia in my local police force is so institutional that complaining to them is fruitless, whom do I complain to? I've heard the IPCC is only for really serious things, and they just pass the more minor stuff (as they'd probably view my problem) back to that police force. Is there some sort of organisation that monitors homophobia in the UK police?

    2) I keep asking my HA to tell me how I have breached my tenancy agreement, and what grounds it has for making its numerous threats to evict me, but it will do neither. And it refuses to withdraw those threats. It is playing a cat and mouse game with me. I tried to sue it myself, without a solicitor and barrister, but the HA employed both, and I never even got the chance to tell my story in court before the case was 'struck out'. So if my HA is doing this ultimately because as a gay man among homophobic residents I'm 'The Problem' - but it's too clever to reveal that homophobia is behind its behaviour - what do I do, as someone with no savings up against a rich company that can afford as many lawyers as it wants?

    I know people might just tell me to move house, but it isn't as simple as that. Decent social housing is in short supply, and the waiting list very long. And apart from the homophobia, my present home is the best I've ever had, and I hate the thought of being driven from it.

    So if anyone has any advice, I'd be most grateful. Thank you.
     
  2. OnTheHighway

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    Did you check with the solicitor to see if they do Pro Bono work?
     
  3. bingostring

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    The housing association and police will have charters by which they must abide.
    I am sure they each have an equality policy when it comes to sexuality.
    They will also have some system of redress (ombudsmen) to take complaints procedures forward.
    I am very surprised you are receiving all this trouble but maybe with persistence you can get somewhere
     
  4. NathanielB13

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    Hi HalfandHalf,
    As you can read from my profile, I am from the West Midlands (nearish Birmingham) and I am shocked and appalled to hear such awful abuse.
    I would say to complain to the media or use Home « Birmingham LGBT to help adress your problems with West Mercian Police, also contact your local council and http://www.galop.org.uk/
    Birmingham LGBT (the link) can also help you find LGBT groups that aren't just for dating or sex and help you get support for your drinking and the loss of your partner.

    Is social housing failing lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender residents? | Housing Network | The Guardian. This article explains your issues on the housing assoiciation. Do you have any family to stay with? I would also suggest to complain about your housing problems to your local government e.g address town hall instead of the housing assoiciation.
    Hope these links help!
    Nat
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    I would suggest taking all of this to the Citizens Advice Bureau. If you are the victim of bullying, harrasment or intimidation on the grounds of sexuality it should be considered a hate crime; something your housing association and West Mercia Police are bound to investigate properly. If they are failing in their duty you have grounds for complaint and proper redress. Citizens Advice should be able to assist you and many bureaux are hate crime reporting centres too.

    Just to point out that we have a lot of members from the UK. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Halfandhalf

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    Thank you for all your kind advice. I have just written to Birmingham LGBT and will see what happens.
     
  7. Truckerjohn

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    i wonder if Halfandhalf is still around?

    i went through a carbon copy of what he described in his original posting and can confirm how awful Stonewall behaved when i tried to get help. i sometimes wonder why these gay charities are even in existence