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An Asexual Marriage / Life with Partner

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by kellynec, Sep 4, 2015.

  1. kellynec

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    I'm still not sure what exactly my sexuality is because my porn addiction (and masturbation like an addict) causes a lot of confusion

    However, I have one question in my head:

    I've recently read about a religious (mormon) gay man who's never been with a man but instead has been married to an asexual woman for years. He describes their relationship as: "a great friendship and a great sex life"--> NOW most of you are going to be "huh??? He's gay, so what is he on about as regards his sex life, lol?" BUT he goes on to say "sex is about more than putting your penis into a vagina... it's about intimacy and love"

    So either way that sounds VERY weird to me and I would bet a farm that the man is lying about how he feels about their relationship. The woman is asexual so she doesn't need sex, she needs kisses, cuddling, etc...

    I have some questions:

    1) Has any of you ever been (as a gay man) in a relationship with an asexual woman? If so, how was it looking back, what would you say?

    2) How could he have sex with his wife if he's gay?
     
  2. Chip

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    First, we need to know if the woman is using the widely accepted and used definition of asexual, or the one with no grounding or basis in anything that's simply a made-up definition. It's a world of difference in terms of what we're dealing with.

    There are lots of people who have low or almost nonexistent sex drive who are not asexual according to the widely accepted definition. These people will often seek connection, touch, and even sexual contact on occasion, but are not highly sexual people. These people are not, according to the widely accepted definition, asexual.

    And then there are the people who are clinically asexual, who have absolutely no sexual desire or attraction whatsoever, have never had it, and their asexuality has been hardwired since birth. These people are extremely rare. As far as their sexual attractions, there is none. They may or may not seek out touch.

    So if we're talking about someone using the label according to the definition used by a tiny handful of people... sure, she could be almost anywhere on the spectrum according to that definition. It's entirely possible she wants minimal sexual contact, and someone who's gay and a little toward the bi side of the spectrum might be a great fit.

    But I think it's a lot more likely that this mormon person is simply deluded and trying to rationalize his sexual orientation with his religious beliefs. I wouldn't put much stock in any of it.
     
  3. Linus

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    My friend is dating an asexual, and their relationship is going strong. Then again, they are pansexual, not gay... But same premise. It's definitely possible. Relationships don't have to include sex.