Moving on

Aaaah, I know that feel. It hurts, gotta give you that. Especially when it comes to firsts. I suppose, first thing first, forget about him. For me the forgetting process is really to forget the entire person. The feelings naturally go along with it, too. I've done it more then once (on the same guy) and I found it helped for me, up until recently.

Since the breakup was mutual and you guys don't seem to meet each other any more, I'd say forgetting him is one good way. On the other hand, one of my friend's advice when I was trying to get over (the same) guy was to instead of pinning after him (in this case, your ex), put the energy into your current boyfriend. I'm not sure how effective this is, really. It is a good idea, I suppose.

Wait your current, are both of you in a serious relationship?

The third and longest/most painful one is to wait it out. Seriously, wait it out. As in, wait till your feelings subside-they do, it just takes a long time. This is a slower, but smoother transition between pinning and letting go, especially in the long term. In a sense the scars are still there-they always will be, unless you forget, and even they can resurface-but at the same time, the pain of it has numbed, or even faded, and you can take that as an experience learnt. The third is probably the best, but the longest. At the same time, you could try spending more energy on your current relationship? I had no idea how to phrase that. It's a way to forget your ex, too.

Good luck with it, really...it hurts like a b*tch, but you'll get over it. Slowly, you will. It may take years, but the pain does fade. Take it as an experience, and next time when you look back, maybe you'll look on it as something learnt.

 

Hi let me give my insight to your situation, hope I can offer some clarity. I believe the problem lies wherein there was a coexistence of 2 simultaneous relationships. When one ended the other served as an "emotional Band-aid" which never really allowed you to go through the grieving process when the other relationship was lost. No matter how painful it is, it is essential that we go through and allow ourselves to truly feel the emotional and mental crisis that happens as an aftermath of a breakup.

It seems to me that you are still arrested in the initial grieving phase of a breakup, a person who experiences a breakup will go through the behavior of reminiscing about the former beloved, recalling details of the relationship, things such as the qualities you loved about him, your dates, all the nice things he did for you, how he made you feel loved, how he provided you comfort, etc. Even to the extent of recalling details of his face.

Normally succeeding that phase is sadness. Mourning the relationship lost, what could have been. A feeling of sadness on how much you miss him. Sadness over how he and you could have been perfect together. You'll agonize over every detail of the relationship. Questioning every action you made or didn't make. Questioning whether you could have done more.

Anger, the stage which succeeds this lends a person to behave with resentment, regret. You'll be angry about how he makes you sad. Angry at how he led you on and wasted your time. Angry for allowing yourself to fall in the first place. Angry at how everything seems to remind you of him.

Eventually when all the emotional turmoil has subsided. You are now left with a vulnerable heart, hence you feel guarded. You question your own judgments and the judgments and intentions of people around you...

That is where the process stops for you. The existence of your other relationship acted as a proxy rebound relationship. It served to cover-up the emotional and mental crisis inside of you. It arrested your natural progression through the grieving process. Distanced from your feelings, your feelings will continue to subconsciously emanate. Perpetuating the hurt, pain and/or in your case longing. Unless you allow yourself to feel these emotions, you end up subconsciously internalizing them until it ends up manifesting itself by tainting any potential for contentment, joy, happiness and love with your current partner.

Now step back and reevaluate. Have you really gotten over the relationship? Have you allowed yourself to experience all the emotions? The purpose for all of these is for self-understanding and to see where you stand. Only then will you finally have ACCEPTANCE and CLOSURE...

Acceptance of the truth that you both need space. It's truly noble that you have tried to remain as friends. However in reality it is better said than done. Sure the breakup was mutual but it doesn't mean that things really weren't all that bad, or that one or the other didn't hurt. One or the other may keep pushing, wanting to talk, wanting to be friends but it serves to complicate things when one hasn't really moved on. You have to come to terms about the breakup and where you stand, on your own and so does your ex. Giving yourself time allows you to get the closure you need. Time and a large doze of self perspective will allow you to realize that your Ex wasn't Mr. Right, that you have a guy beside you (your current boyfriend) who is NOW Mr. Right. Accept that you weren't meant to be together, it’s unfair for your current relationship while a part of you is still stuck with your Ex.