this post is just going to be me and my progression with coming to terms of my sexuality. If no one responds that's fine I just want to write to ge everything off my chest, but if someone does even better. About a year and a half ago I realized I was gay. When I was little, I always thought boys were more cute than girls. Later on those feelings went away and I was suddenly, what I thought, attracted to girls. Puberty was what really made me realize I did like guys and that I had no sexual feelings towards girls. Then, I finally came to terms with being gay about a quarter through freshman year. The rest of freshaman year for me was very difficult. It was filled with pointless crushes and not dressing and acting the way I wanted. This was due to all my best friends going to a different school and the fact that the social group I hung out had rules on how to act. If you dressed a certain way you would be mocked and called names. Having no friends at my new school I acted and dressed the way they wanted me to. This eventually caused me to get closer to them, but I never felt like we bonded. On top of this they couldn't understand LGBT and often ridiculed it. I eventually got a crush on one of them and couldn't stop thinking about him. Telling him was out of the option. Eventually I got over him, but all of this made me feel empty and alone for a year. Over the summer was when I decided to do what I wanted to do. I ended up stop hanging out with my friend group from freshman year as often and worked on me as a person. I started dressing the way I had always wanted and even came out to my sister. I was so excited to show off the more confident me when I got back to school that I didn't even think about the negative impact it could have. Sophomore year started, this year, and I was feeling incredibly happy and independent in the first time since middle school. Being me made me so happy until I started talking to my friends from the year before. When they saw what I was wearing, they called me names and just like that my confidence was broken. I couldn't believe how fast it could be shattered, but unfortunately it was. On top of that, my crush on my friend came back harder than it ever has before. This made me feel so lonely especially with my sister at college. I feel like a failure because I've talked to people before about dealing with crushes on straight guys and have gotten over them before. I know there's nothing I can really do about it, but it makes me feel so weak inside. With all this being said, I just want to know how I can get my old confidence back that was shattered by my friends because I have no intentions on going back to the old me. If people don't respond that's fine, I get it it was a long post, but if you do it would mean a lot to me.
There are far darker things to break your confidence out there so don't worry. That being said, the reason you feel down about their opinion of you is because you allow it to get you down. Words only have the power that you chose to give to them, they are empty otherwise. Besides if they are getting on your case about something this trivial, then they aren't any friends of yours. As such their opinion of you should amount to dirt. Just like dirt, you walk right over it. People change and they need to accept that, if not.....bye.
Thanks for the advice. You're right about them not really being my friend's. I was at my best when I kept my distance.
