I want some gay friends but I'm really bad at talking to people. It's hard for me to talk to people first, I feel like I'm being annoying. I also wanna try and date. I consider myself bi but I'm starting to think I'm actually just gay. I've only been in one relationship and that was with a girl 5 years ago back in high school. I've never been in a same-sex relationship. I did talk to this one dude I met on Whisper 2 years ago and we were in the same boat(being closeted and homophobic family) and I was somewhat into him and he was really into me but I couldn't do it. He lived a ways away from me but he said he wanted to come down to where I live to get away from his family and to be with me, and so many thoughts ran through my head and how I would have to lie and a bunch of shit and I just felt uncomfortable with the whole situation. I had stopped talking to him and I really regret it. Now, 2 years later, I can see myself dating. But I'm closeted so that would make it hard(especially if a person I'm seeing is out, it wouldn't be fair to them) I'm thinking about online dating but I have a problem with putting a picture of myself up. It's not like I'm really ugly it's just I fear someone recognizing me(I'm super paranoid about getting found out) but not having a picture of myself makes others skeptical.. They might think I'm fake or something when I'm not. And I'm black and I happen to be mostly attracted to white people but it seems like, from my experiences, not a lot of white people are attracted to black people. Which I understand because we all like different things but idk what I should do. I don't really know too many good gay apps. The first app I tried was ****** and I learned very quickly that app is for hooking up and I'm not looking for hookups. I'm mainly looking for friends and maybe a possible relationship. And I live in a redneck town so yeah you can guess it, not many people who are like me here lol. The closest city is about an hour away and I know they have gay clubs(but I'm not really into the whole club scene) and other LGBT things and events but even then when I go there I see people from my town. And I have my own vehicle but I feel like I would get questioned why am I going there so much and would have to make up a lie. There's a good number of gay people at my college but I can't walk up to them and talk to them(social anxiety I guess) and if I were to "talk" to somebody I would worry about getting found out since there's quite a few people from my town who go there too. I should be done at college next semester or the semester afterwards. I wanna move but I don't make enough money right now to do that it may just be best to way until I'm done at the college. But idk. I wish I could just come out of the closet but I'm just simply not ready for it yet. :/ It doesn't even have to be a guy, it could be a gay girl too. I just want someone to talk to. Talking to someone else who is gay would help me a lot since they would fully understand me but like I said I'm bad at I'm walking up to and talking to people up first. I just do not know what to say without feeling like I'm annoying them. And sorry I just needed to let that out. :icon_sad::bang:
Sounds like a difficult situation. I know that at my school, there are alliance clubs, and there is also a semi closeted club that my social worker holds for kids with problems regarding gender/sexuality.If your school does not have these groups, you might try to send an email recommending such. If you can find a way to make it anonymous, even better. Secondly, I used to feel like an outsider in the Qcommunity, and I felt like I didn't fit it. For that matter, I still don't. However, that shouldn't stop you from making friends. You don't have to come out to other LGBT people in order to be friends. I made friends with a trans girl in my math class, and while I suspected they were of a different gender than their appearance the whole time, I only actually found out when we talked outside of class, and we both came out to each other. I would focus on making friends first, whether queer or not, and then hoping for the best. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that queers often attract other queers. Or, if you don't feel comfortable talking to them in person, send them an email. It could be as simple as saying "Hi, I saw you earlier today." or "Hi, what's the homework?" Something easy like that. Just say hi. Best of luck.
