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Is my university social life doomed because I don't like clubbing?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ThatFrostyGuy, Sep 14, 2015.

  1. ThatFrostyGuy

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    Second day of freshers week, and I already feel bored and alone. Yes, I'm shy, but not overtly so. I'm awkward but I'll try and talk to people.

    I have never been clubbing before, although I very much enjoy going to bars or clubs with friends and drinking.

    Two of my four flatmates are party animals and wanted to go out on the first night, and while I and another guy agreed to go when I first met them, when it came to it I could feel every beat of the music from my room half a mile away. I knew the music would be loud, but I didn't realise it would be that loud. There was no way I was going to find that fun, as I can't dance and obviously I wouldn't be able to talk either. I didn't want to be awkwardly standing in the corner with no-one to shout to or make them feel responsible for me and for me to feel like a child, so I made some pathetic excuse about being tired (my journey was longer than theirs) and not buying tickets earlier (they were "sold out" even though I knew you could potentially buy them at the door).

    I don't totally regret not going, although part of me says I should have tried it anyway, but I do regret not telling them the truth and lying to my flatmates of the next year on my first day. I should have told them the idea of clubbing didn't appeal to me and I'd never been before, even if they did dismiss me as a weird loner. Now, I'm literally dreading being asked to go out again because they'll know each other even better and I'll be even more of an awkward outsider, and I can't help but feel I've already created a rift between us.

    I have three choices: keep lying and making excuses until they stop asking me, tell them I know I'll hate it so they stop inviting me, or stop being a paranoid over-thinker and tell them I'll hate it and go anyway, hate it, waste money and never go again.

    Thoughts?
     
  2. sam the man

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    I don't think your social life has to be doomed because you don't like clubbing. With regard to your flatmates, I think that the best thing to do is try it once, and if in the likely event you don't like it, just tell them a day or two after that you tried it, and it wasn't really your bag and you don't think you're a clubbing/party person. If they're douchebags about it, well then you know where you stand about your compatibility as friends. However I think it's much more likely that they'll just be cool with it and move on.

    Bear in mind that not everyone on campus is a party animal, and you don't *have* to find your friends in your flatmates. Common advice, I know, but try looking into societies to make friends outside your flat. And you could still hang out with your flatmates, just not in terms of clubbing. I mean you said you like going to bars and having a few drinks with friends, so you're obviously not a "weird loner". Invite them to hang out with you in that cool bar you found last week, or go with you to that restaurant you love! Basically, you might not see clubbing in the same way as them, but that doesn't mean you won't be able to find any common ground with them.

    I think the truth is that the image of the "fresher" as this out of control party animal is pretty exaggerated, and you'd actually find a surprising amount of people whose views on clubbing range from "meh, I'll go if I'm dragged along but it's no big deal" to "nope, hell nope!". The most important thing is to find people who you share some things in common with. You haven't found that in clubbing, so it seems like it's time to look elsewhere! Stay positive though, I mean it's only second day of freshers week and a lot can change. Hang in there for now.
     
    #2 sam the man, Sep 14, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2015
  3. Martin

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    Having been at University since 2009, I've not had a doomed social life because of it. My hatred for clubbing has certainly limited the things I can do with mates at times, but it has never gotten in the way to the extent that I was never able to make any friends. Sam the man pretty much nailed it above: you'll get mates who mutually want to do things together. Having people who just try and force you to do things you don't want to do isn't much of a friendship, so it's all about being honest and putting yourself out there, to engage with different groups with mutual interests. Hopefully, your student union should have a variety of societies for a whole range of different hobbies, activities, fandoms etc. Make an effort to sign-up and attend their events! They usually make it clear which of their respective events are for clubbing (if any), and which will be more relaxed. :slight_smile:

    As sam the man mentioned, not everybody at university is a party animal. I even ran the LGBT society for numerous years without being an avid clubber, despite them being clubbers themselves. We'd have some drinks at the Student Union for a few hours, where it was much quieter and relaxed, at which point I'd arrange for somebody else to go into town with them whilst I went home. It never once got in the way of things, and it even became something of an in-joke with them to try and jokingly convince me to go out clubbing, knowing it would induce a self-righteous rant about how awful it is. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: My favourite line was something along the lines of "Only us young people could be stupid enough to go to a place so loud that communication is impossible, and call that 'socialising'". :grin: Anyway, my point is that there's a broad range of people you meet at university, and most people are just out to have a good time and will accommodate your wishes. Sure, some may try and peer pressure you into things, but a little self-confidence and assertiveness will fix that. Additionally, you've got to expand your friendship circle beyond 4 people, and at that point you'll develop friendships with people who have mutual interests to you and who will respect your wishes. I never needed clubs to develop a circle of friends at Uni, nor have many other peeps I've met over the years. :slight_smile: