Sorry this may be long and rant-ish but I need advice -_-|| - In my circle of friends I have to: talk, be happy, interested and never unsocial, just to keep them with me,( as opposed to being alone.) Unfortunately I have no one else to go to, no other friends. Im in my last year of comprehensive so everyone is already friends with each other. Plus it takes me ages to make friends with people in real life, too long. But my friends don't care. For example: One day I was hella depressed - I didn't talk to anyone that day. None of my friends tried to help or comfort me. They left me alone, making it worse. Later my friend told me that they were close to saying that they would no longer be my friend because I wasn't talking to them, for one bloody day. And that our 4 years of "friendship" meant nothing. Another thing is birthdays: I remember everyone else's and I don't like people being left out . But as soon as it comes to mine, January the bloody 5th didn't even exist. All I expected was for people to remember and maybe a card would be nice. In the end, only one person remembered, the others didn't bother. (I had one card, a month later). I try and do nice things for people: give umbrellas, open doors, give directions, help people out etc, and all I want is a thank you or just some sort of acknowledgement that I'm there. The sere amount of times people interrupt me when Im talking, despite letting everyone else speak, is enormous: It happens all the time. They just don't care that Im there. I just feel like a fucking door mat. Walked all over and hardly noticed. - What do I do? Please help, I cant get new friends and these are the only people I have, and they're toxic. I don't really want to be alone again
To be honest I feel like it's time for a change of friends. You may not want to be alone but those people (can't call them friends sorry) are having a very negative impact on you, your self-esteem and your mental-health, you said it, they are toxic and you do need to get rid of them for the only reason that you deserve better. You should have higher standards than this when it comes to friends because you deserve to be respected, loved and cared about and those people fail to do all three of this things. I personally can't see why you can't get new friends, I know you've mentioned being in last year and it taking a long time and so on but I have been living in a different country every couple months having to deal with lots of people that have known each others for years on end and I still manage to crawl my way among them and become close friends with them in a couple months. It's not easy but doable and so very rewarding that it's worth the pain of getting out there and the few cold shoulders and raised eyebrows you may get. It's only the start of the school year and almost the end of 2015. It's the perfect time for a fresh start with a bunch of new appreciative friends. I personally wouldn't think twice about turning my back to those non-friends and focus on the people that actually matter. Think about you. No matter how long it takes you to make friends, good ones are for life.
What I have learned is that expecting that people will act as we would in a situation leads to resentment. I am like you. Always looking to help, offer a hand, cheer someone up, remember a birthday Bc I don't want someone to feel forgotten, etc. I totally understand. It is very frustrating when you put out all this energy and you just want to be acknowledged or for someone to show that they care, and then it never happens. I would recommend two things: 1) first those people you associate with, as Linning said, they are not your friends. You said they were toxic. They clearly have no respect for you and who you are. You really need to let them go. Being connected to toxic people will suffocate you and drain your energy leaving you depleted, angry and sad. They do not deserve to know you and be a recipient of you kindness. 2) know that you are worth knowing. Someone out there will appreciate your thoughtfulness and kindness. You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. Being around toxic people just to be around people so you are not alone is not healthy. Maybe do things that you are interested in, join some groups and find people that share your interest. You can take your time getting to know people and develop friendships. It takes me along time to find true friends and to become close to people, but I do it...slow and steady wins the race. Good luck
