I recently came out to one of my best male friends and he asked a lot of questions, which I was fine with. I expected it but later he brought up the topic of bottom surgery and asked if I was going to go through with it. I, for the most part, don't want bottom surgery because I'm not ready for that and I'm not fully read up on the subject. He asked if I was lesbian next and when I told him no, he explained he thought that being transmale meant that I liked girls too. For me, it was really refreshing to having someone who was curious but accepting. I've heard that others don't like questions as much as I do but the way I view it is that if they don't ask questions, they won't learn/will be plagued with stereotypes. However in a group conversation over skype when I mentioned it, a female who apparently 'has a thing' for transmales, asked a very personal question while assuming many things. I tried my best not to feel offended since she didn't know me personally but who just blurts out "What are you going to do when you get a d___?" Do you guys have any advice on facing people like this? Or can you share a story or two about how someone else asked a personal question like this?
Some middle aged guy once asked "So what plumbing do you have down there? Are you going to change it??" when I was presenting a biology project which involved sharing my gender identity. I just sort of stammered and mumbled a bit without answering him because it was awkward and uncomfortable...I was only 17 and who the hell asks that to a kid he just met? Honestly, it's just plain rude to ask someone that question without knowing them or if they're okay with it, especially in a group conversation. I would tell her that that's your own, private business and none of her concern, or that you don't feel comfortable discussing it. ...Or you can alternatively stare at her with unblinking eyes and ask "What are you going to do with your vagina?"
Luckily I've got away without the most invasive questions, but I had one college 'friend' who seemed particularly hung up on my being non-binary and the physical aspects of that. Upon discovering that I was binding, she persistently insisted that it 'must hurt' - 'does it hurt, it has to!'. Her tone was 0% concern, 100% scandalised intrigue. And then the most delightful, 'You must want a cock, though?' She kept on asking me about whether I wanted different genitalia no matter how much I explained that my junk has never been the issue for me. (Oh, and she kept trying to drag me with her into the men's bathrooms, all my protests ignored. So that was, um, something.) The whole thing got cast in a truly bizarre light when she later came out as a trans woman. Some things make more sense in hindsight, and some become only more confusing. Especially the actively transphobic outburst she had in my direction when she discovered I'd challenged the college's decision to place her as head of the LGBT club in light of the way she'd treated me regarding my sexuality and gender, especially in outing me to my coursemates. Strange times! - In reference to what to do in those scenarios, I'm a fan of PossumJack's technique. I couldn't offer much better advice than that. You wouldn't go asking about their junk, why should they be asking you about yours?
I guess I was more surprised that someone would have the gall to ask what another would do in their sex life on top of the assumptions she made about surgery. Though in a recent conversation with my dad and his friends, they all seem to think that phalloplasty/neovagina is a must. In my dad's words, "If you only go through with reversible steps, you aren't committed." Mind you , we were talking about Cait Jenner and in his view, she's doing all of this for the money. I don't want to seem dismissive at all. What she did to you was completely uncalled for and I don't know how I would react if someone was that bold with me at my college. It seems a little like maybe she was more open about her trans and trying to push you in the direction of being more open about yours. I've met someone similar, it was over a phone though, who kept probing and probing for answers to questions I hadn't concerned myself with yet. It was someone from the insurance agency who maybe was a bit too excited to hear that I was a transmale as she was asking all sorts of very personal questions that seemed a little off course of the regular ones. Thank you both for replying though. I'm really happy to hear this wasn't a one-off, someone being completely weird.
