I'm a lesbian, still in the closet with my husband. I've been able to force myself to have sex with him (mainly with the help of alcohol), but its getting harder and harder. The last time I slept with him was maybe a month ago and he's getting increasingly pissed off that I keep making excuses not to do anything with him. I understand that from his perspective, not getting sex from his "straight" wife is an increasingly frustrating issue, but I don't know what to do. The best I can give him is permission to do stuff to me when I'm sleeping but I don't even like that. I'm trying to suck it up and force myself to do stuff to please him, but it almost feels like rape to me. I'm not ready to come out to him yet, I know it would go badly, I've hinted at it and haven't gotten a very good response. I am booking a therapy appt on Monday to discuss how to approach my coming out to him, but he's becoming increasingly unbearable to live with and I'm so depressed and ready to cry over this.
I really feel for what you are going through. It does seem like you are reaching a breaking point. Seeing the therapist is a good idea, and best to move forward with what you already know you need to do in a manor which works for you rather than as a result of a spontaneous reaction if at all possible. Good Luck!
Glad you are going to therapy. It will be good to create a plan so you can move forward. We are here for you! Is there anyone you can stay with if it gets bad?
I second this. You need to be safe. You maybe should have a trusted friend or family member that you tell now if possible. Then have them with you when you tell him. I'm also super concerned about what you said about the drinking, this is placing you in an extremely vulnerable position. Please be safe, we're rooting for you.
Thanks everyone for the concern. I do live near my family, but I don't anticipate it would get that bad, just unbearable in an emotional way, but who knows, I could be wrong, he may take it better than I think. It's always best to prepared for the worst case so you're pleasantly surprised when it's not. I am very conscious of my drinking, considering my mother and step-mother are both recovering alcoholics. I've been blessed by not really having an addictive personality though, thank God (case in point - I can start and quit smoking without any real cravings or problems). These are all things I will mention to the doctor though. My appointment is on Tuesday, I will keep you posted with how things go.
