It's so weird that I'm still so closeted. I have two bi friends that everyone loves, and yet I still fear what will happen if I come out publicly. I guess I should start from what happened at camp. I am starting to get more and more comfortable with my sexuality (to myself at least), so when I went to camp, I decided to come out as sort of a "test" to see how people would react. Long story short, I was alone on the last day with nobody to hug goodbye or exchange numbers with. It was a very lonely summer. I don't know if that's what made it hard or not. Just hearing the word gay in a conversation is enough to make me cringe. I can't listen to people talk about it; it just makes me so incredibly uncomfortable. I'm so much more comfortable about this stuff online. Maybe because it's not "real" when it's on the internet. Nobody in real life wants a lesbian friend, so I've started building up the wall again I was once tearing down. On top of that, the incident that happened a few months ago (my friend found a gay dating blog I was following when she was scrolling through the feed on my tumblr account and called me out on it. Absolutely mortifying) still hangs over me. My friends continue to ask me if I am actually straight, which I'm sure most of you understand is an absolutely terrifying question. I don't know what to say to my mother when she asks why I never talk about cute boys. I just want all of the hurt to end, but I don't think I could stand going to school being the "gay kid". I'm afraid of experiencing the isolation I felt in the summer. I'm scared of the bullying I could face. I don't want the friendships I cherish to be torn down because of this small thing about me. Honestly, I feel like I'm just a coward.
I feel that way too. It's hard but if they're you're friends it shouldn't matter. They're you're friends for a reason. Talking about it...well it'll get weird. And besides I think you'll make a awesome friend. :icon_bigg
That isn't true that no one wants a lesbian friend, many of us do. You can do two things right now, A: stay in the shadows and finish school, or B: deal with the idiots who tease you, and hang with people who respect you, and make it through school with good feelings, and not having this cloud. Honestly, if you wait and go to college, you will have the same excuse, and later on after college, even maybe end up playing so much, that you get married and have a kid, and then by the time you reach like 40, you can't do it anymore, and you want to explode, all this tension ARGHHHHHHH..... Best to get it out early, no one really cares about it anyway, it will be yesterdays news as soon as people know, and oh well, who cares what haters think anyway, they aren't your friend in the first place.
