Has any body here ever felt like a defeatist? I'm going through some complicated stuff at the moment and thought that rather than go into detail about what I'm going through, it would be better to just throw the question out there. Have you ever found yourself expecting failure? Even after having some success, you still end up feeling discouraged and thinking you should probably give up what you're doing before things get worse? If you've ever been through this phase, how did you overcome it? how do you stop being hard on yourself, and regain confidence in your own ability to get things done? Or is it sometimes a good thing to acknowledge and accept your limits?
I think I can share some of what you're feeling. As in, I've told myself many times "oh it's not worth doing that because I'll be humiliated/won't be good/haven't made progress in it" etc. I'm not sure that inner critic can ever be completely vanquished, and I think it's unrealistic to expect it to be. But it can be argued back against and refuted, and imo that's the key to overcoming the defeatist slump. Of course, it's good to accept your limits and save your energies where it's not worth investing them. But it's also bad to just never try anything. I would say, whenever you hear your inner critic telling you no or slagging you off, rather than go "ok then", have a conversation with the voice in your head. Ask it, "ok, why do you think that?". So for instance, when my inner critic tells me I'm no good at anything, I ask myself why I should believe that statement. And then I see that, actually, it's a pretty extreme statement and not very convincing because there are things I've done well at and even if I can't see it others have complimented me on these things. If it helps, maybe write down the things you expect to fail at and work through the reasons behind that thinking. Or you could also talk to friends who can give you a different angle.
I think I experience something similar. I'm merciless on myself. I was inconsolable when I scored 91% on a science test. Myself and external validation, go wayyyy back. Maybe I never fully recovered from having a point taken off for writing "deoxyribonucleic acid" instead of "DNA." Thankfully, I've gotten better at dealing with things. I just stopped caring so much. There are some things that I'm super confident about. I need to keep in mind that my ego can convince me that I'm better at them than I really am. Even although I am still pretty good and my ego ultimately helps more than it sabotages. I wish I had that confidence for other things! I usually feel like it's a waste of time to talk to most people because I'm bad at explaining ideas. That doesn't stop me from trying. Sometimes. I don't always make good decisions, but at least I make decisions. Experience is the key to success. And it doesn't hurt to arm yourself with knowledge, so yeah, that's kind of why you asked this question lol. Maybe I'm sick in the head, but I usually expect things to go wrong. I make fun games out of things. One was called "How many flakes can I score today?"
This is actually really helpful. Most of what you posted is helpful, but this part particularly sticks with me. I have made some bad decisions and errors lately and been tearing myself apart over them. I've felt like giving up what I'm doing before I make things any worse. I even felt like it just now. I'm going to give myself another chance - another week of chances to improve and make up for my mistakes. See how I feel by then. If I end up having a bad emotional episode after next week and don't notice any improvement, then I'll make the decision to back out. I'm all for accepting a challenge, but I don't think it's good for me to be in a situation where things keep on getting on top of me.
Conviction is very powerful. If you have conviction in what you are trying to achieve, then keep pushing forward. You will make bad decisions, we all do. But continue to follow your conviction. I liken it to a raise horse coming out of the gate with side blinders on. The horse can only see in one direction, straight ahead. It knows it needs to reach the finish line. During the course of the race it might pull back, maybe move to the side, not necessarily follow a straight line, all the while it is being chased by others. But it keeps focused on the goal. Be the race horse!
Thanks, Highway. I am focusing more on my goal now. People have put their trust in me and believe that I can achieve what I've set myself up for, so instead of worrying about letting them down, I need to focus on doing my best at the task. I've made mistakes - I won't make them next time. At least making those mistakes teaches me why I need to follow the rules closely and not slack off at any opportunity. Getting upset and wanting to give in is quite selfish of me. And I can't let myself get distracted by selfish thoughts just yet.
